Grave Secret Page 0,39

time you held a gun to Cameron's head and told me you would blow her brains out if I didn't tell you where I'd hidden your stash?"

Matthew's shoulders slumped. I think he'd managed to forget that little incident.

"And then you ask me how I can believe you'd shoot me." If Tolliver's voice hadn't been so weak, it would have been hot with sheer rage; as it was, Tolliver's words sounded so sad I could have wept for him. "It's real easy to believe, Dad."

"But I wouldn't have done it," Matthew Lang said. "I loved that girl. I loved all of you. I was just a damn junkie, Tolliver. I was a mess, and I know it. I'm asking for your forgiveness, now that I'm clean and sober. I won't screw up again, son."

"It'll take a lot more than words to persuade us," I said, looking at Tolliver and seeing how exhausted he was after five minutes in his father's presence. "As long as we're bringing up happy memories, I can sure dredge up a few we haven't reminisced about in a while. You were there last night... okay. That was good. But it wasn't a drop in the bucket."

Matthew looked sad. His brown eyes were like a spaniel's, innocent and liquid with soft feelings.

I didn't believe he'd reformed for a second. And yet, I have to admit, I wanted to believe him. If Tolliver's father could really reform, really try to love Tolliver as he deserved to be loved, respect him as he deserved to be respected, it would be a wonderful thing.

The next second, I cursed myself for being pathetic, for being sucked in to even that extent. Since Tolliver was hurt and weak, I had to be extra vigilant. I was watching out for both of us, not just myself.

"Harper, I know I deserve that," Matthew said. "I know it'll take a long time to convince you both that I'm really sorry. I know I fucked up, over and over again. I know I didn't act like a real father. I didn't even act like a responsible adult."

I looked down at Tolliver to gauge his reaction. All I saw was a young man who'd been shot in the shoulder hours before, a man exhausted by the demands his father was bringing into the room.

"Tolliver doesn't need all this drama now," I said. "We shouldn't have gotten into this discussion. Thanks for your help last night. You should leave now."

To his credit, Matthew said goodbye to Tolliver and turned and walked out of the room.

"Okay, that's over with," I said, to fill the sudden silence. I'd taken Tolliver's hand, and he squeezed it, but he didn't open his eyes. I didn't know if he was truly asleep, but he needed to act like he was, so that was all right with me. Our stream of visitors seemed to have died out, and we had a few hours of that hospital boredom that I'd anticipated. It was almost a relief to be bored. We watched old movies, and I read a few pages. No one called. No one came to visit.

By the time five o'clock made its appearance on the big clock in his room, Tolliver insisted I needed to leave and check into a hotel, get some rest. After talking to his nurse, I finally agreed. I was almost walking in my sleep, and I wanted to shower again. All the little cuts on my face were sore and itchy.

I was extra careful with my driving as I stopped at a couple of hotels. I checked into one that had a room that was clean and ready and on the third floor. I hauled my bag in and slogged through the lobby and into the elevator, feeling an intense longing for a good bed. I was hungry, too, but the bed was the central item in my little day-dream. My cell phone rang. I answered it because I thought it might be the hospital.

Detective Rudy Flemmons said, "You sound like you're just about asleep on your feet."

"Yes."

"We'll have those tapes tomorrow morning. You want to come by the station to watch them?"

"Sure."

"Okay, then. See you there at nine o'clock, if that suits you."

"Okay. What's happening with the investigation?"

"We're still canvassing the neighborhood to see if anyone saw anything last night when your brother was shot. The other shooting was on Goodman Street, and it was a case of a falling-out between thieves. It's possible the shooter in that incident