Grave Secret Page 0,16
become the kind of girl who doesn't do things like that, by that time. The lightning had done its job on me. I was still settling into my new skin, terrified of my new and weird ability, recovering from the physical damage. I was still limping, and I tired easily. I'd gotten one of my terrible headaches that day.
It had been in the spring, and we'd had a cold snap. The night before, the temperature had dropped below forty. That afternoon, it was only in the sixties. Cameron had been wearing black tights and a black and white plaid skirt and a white turtleneck. She looked great. No one would have guessed she'd pieced the outfit together at the thrift store. Her blond hair was long and shiny. My sister Cameron had freckles. She hated them. She made all As.
While Mark and Tolliver made conversation, I tried to imagine what Cameron would look like now. Would she still be blond? Would she have gained weight? She'd been small, shorter than me, with thin arms and legs and a will of iron. She'd run track with some success, though when the paper had called her a "track star" after she'd vanished, we'd all looked at each other and rolled our eyes.
My sister hadn't been a saint. I'd known Cameron better than anyone else. She was proud. She could keep a secret till it screamed. She was smart. She studied hard. Sometimes she resented our situation, our fall from affluence, with such anger that she screamed out loud. She hated our mother, Laurel, hated her passionately, for dragging us down with her. But Cameron loved our mother, too.
She couldn't stand Matthew, who was Mother's second husband but her hundredth "boyfriend." Cameron had had this persistent delusion that our father would return to his pre-drug self, and that he would show up at the dismal trailer someday and take us off with him. We would go back to living in a clean house, and someone else would wash our clothes and cook our meals. Our father would show up at the school for PTA meetings, and he'd talk to us over the supper table about where we might want to go to college.
This was Cameron's fantasy, her happy one. She had some that were darker, much darker. She told me, one morning on our walk to school, that she also dreamed one of our mother's dealers would show up at the trailer while we were gone and kill our mother and stepfather. After they were dead, we'd be put in a nice foster home. Then, when we'd graduated from high school, we'd get jobs and rent an apartment and work our way through college.
That was as far as Cameron's dream had gone. I wondered what she'd imagined would happen after that. Would we each have found a good and prosperous man, and lived happily ever after? Or maybe instead we'd have continued living together (in our modest but clean apartment), wearing our new clothes (a very important part of Cameron's tale), and eating our good food that we'd learned how to cook.
"Honey?" Tolliver said. I turned to him, startled. He'd never called me that before.
"Do you want dessert?" he asked. I realized that the waitress was waiting, smiling in that pained way that said she was being so, so patient.
I almost never eat dessert. "No, thanks," I said. To my irritation, Mark ordered pie, and Tolliver got coffee to keep him company. I was ready to go; I wanted to get away from all this remembrance. I shifted a little to a more comfortable position, stifling a sigh.
When Tolliver and Mark resorted to talking about computers, I was once more free to think about other things.
But all I could think about was Cameron.
Chapter Three
WHEN we were back in our room, we were both reluctant to start talking about Mark's perfidy in renewing contact with their dad. Tolliver booted up the laptop and went to a fan website that tracks my activities; he monitors it regularly because he's worried that I might acquire a crazy stalker. I never look at it, because there are posts from guys who want to do things with me and to me; and that's scary, not to say repellent. Now, I was worried that Matthew might be reading it at the same moment Tolliver was; he'd be looking for clues on how to find his son.
A nagging pain interrupted my worry session.
I rummaged through my medicine bag to