it was quite clear that he hadn’t answered her, really. She moved away thoughtfully. He had said, “You’ll grow out of it,” so she was in it now, but in what?
Even then, she had had few real friends among the other Emotionals. They liked to whisper and giggle together, but she preferred flowing over the crumbled rocks and enjoying the sensation of their roughness. There were, however, some mids who were more friendly than others and whom she found less provoking. There was Doral, who was as silly as the rest, really, but who would sometimes chatter amusingly. (Doral had grown up to join a triad with Dua’s right-brother and a young left from another cavern complex, a left whom Dua did not particularly like. Doral had then gone on to initiate a baby-left, a baby-right, in rapid succession, and a baby-mid not too long after that. She had also grown so dense that the triad looked as though it had two Parentals and Dua wondered if they could still melt.… Just the same Tritt was always telling her, pointedly, what a good triad Doral helped make up.)
She and Doral had sat alone one day and Dua had whispered, “Doral, do you know what a Left-Em is?”
And Doral had tittered and compressed herself, as though to avoid being seen, and had said, “It’s an Emotional that acts like a Rational; you know like a left. Get it! Left-Emotional—Left-Em! Get it!”
Of course Dua “got” the phrase. It was obvious once explained. She would have seen it for herself at once if she had been able to bring herself to imagine such a state of affairs.
Dua said, “How do you know?”
“The older girls told me.” Doral’s substance swirled and Dua found the motion unpleasant. “It’s dirty,” Doral said.
“Why?” asked Dua.
“Because it’s dirty. Emotionals shouldn’t act like Rationals.”
Dua had never thought about the possibility, but now she did. She said, “Why shouldn’t they?”
“Because! You want to know something else that’s dirty?”
Dua couldn’t help being intrigued. “What?”
Doral didn’t say anything, but a portion of herself expanded suddenly and brushed against the unsuspecting Dua before the latter could concavize. Dua didn’t like it. She shrank away and said, “Don’t do that.”
“You know what else is dirty? You can go into a rock.”
“No, you can’t,” said Dua. It had been a silly thing to say for Dua had often moved through the outer surface of the rock and liked it. But now in the context of Doral’s snickering, she felt revolted and denied the whole thing, even to herself.
“Yes, you can. It’s called rock-rubbing. Emotionals can do it easy. Lefts and rights can only do it as babies. When they grow up, they do it with each other.”
“I don’t believe you. You’re making it up.”
“They do, I tell you. Do you know Dimit?”
“No.”
“Sure you do. She’s the girl with the thick corner from Cavern c.”
“Is she the one who flows funny.”
“Yes. On account of the thick corner. That’s the one. She got into a rock all the way once—except for the thick corner. She let her left-brother watch her do it and he told their Parental and what she got for that. She never did it again.”
Dua left then, quite upset. She didn’t talk to Doral again for a long time, and never really grew friendly again, and yet her curiosity had been aroused.
Her curiosity? Why not say her Left-Emmishness?
One day when she was quite sure her Parental wasn’t in the vicinity, she let herself melt into a rock, slowly, just a little. It had been the first time she had tried it since she was quite young, and she didn’t think she had ever dared go so deep. There was a warmness about the sensation, but when she emerged she felt as though everyone could tell, as though the rock had left a stain on her.
She tried it again now and then, more boldly, and let herself enjoy it more. She never sank in really deeply, of course.
Eventually, she was caught by her Parental, who clucked away in displeasure, and she was more careful after that. She was older now and knew for certain fact that despite Doral’s snickering, it wasn’t in the least uncommon. Practically every Emotional did it now and then and some quite openly admitted it.
It happened less frequently as they grew older and Dua didn’t think that any Emotional she knew ever did it after joining a triad and beginning the proper meltings. It was one of her secrets (she never