Go Away, Darling - Alexis Anne Page 0,52

all the time we’ve spent together I’ve never asked you what you want out of life. You’ve already got a World Series under your belt and more awards than most ballplayers dream of, a beach house...what else is there for Chris Kaine to conquer?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” I said quietly. “But since you asked first I’ll answer first.” I stared at my half empty mug, the condensation making rivers down the glass and soaking the cardboard coaster underneath it. “I want a home. A family. Something permanent. I’ve never had it and I’ve always wanted it. I’ve lived on my own since I was fifteen, Liv. Fifteen. I’m tired of being alone.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “I knew you mentioned residency in high school baseball, but it didn’t sink in…” I knew she was calculating Linc being gone in six years instead of ten.

“Yeah,” I laughed and sighed at the same time. “I was an ambitious kid. I knew what I wanted and my parents weren’t going to settle down for three or four years while I finished high school. It was a solution that let everyone keep on living their dreams. But ten years later...I’m so fucking tired. I travel for work and I love it, but at the end of the day I want to come home, and when baseball is over, home is the only place I want to be.”

She sat quietly. I knew she was staring at me because the hair on my arm kept pricking. “My parents were never going to last. Like Beau and me. I think that’s why I’m so attached to this house. I always wished we could just be happy. First with my parents and then with Beau. I think I’ve started to believe it’s impossible.”

“It’s not,” I blurted. “The island is seductive. The sunsets, the beaches, it’s like a trophy. But that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone.” Liv’s parents weren’t the first artists who wanted an exclusive beach getaway where they produced their art, and they wouldn’t be the last. Just like Beau wasn’t the first or last athlete to mark a stretch of beach as his own.

“You’re right and I hate it. I wish all the celebrities who have houses here that they never visit would give the space to all of us who love living here.”

I wanted to say a lot of things in the silence but instead I dropped cash on the table that more than covered two beers and a great tip and took Liv’s hand. “Let’s get that walk in.”

I held her hand as tightly as I felt comfortable, refusing to let it go when she tugged at the swinging door to the beach. She didn’t try again and I considered that a victory. We walked aimlessly which was kind of fun. I felt her everywhere. The anticipation of being so close and yet knowing I had no right to kiss or touch her yet made her presence all that much more intense.

When I couldn’t take anymore I led her back to the boat and took us home. I made my case. Liv was smart. She knew I was making my way back into her life romantically and if she didn’t want me, now was the time to tell me.

Instead she waved goodnight and thanked me. The minute she disappeared I fell backward off the dock into the cool evening water, hoping it would help save me from the fire raging inside my body.

17

Operation Linc

Chris

Over the next two weeks I wasn’t friendly with Liv. My smiles weren’t nice. They were “I know what you look like naked” smiles. When I left town I had flowers delivered. When I came home I brought chocolates and ice cream.

I wrote her a goddamned love note.

A love note. The fuck? But that’s where we were and it was what needed doing.

Liv,

I miss you. I want to grow old with you. I want to coach all of Linc’s fall ball games and kiss you goodnight. I want to drink whiskey as we watch the sunset each night and then take you to bed. It’s an adventure I can’t have with anyone but you.

Love,

Chris

It took me two hours and almost an entire notebook of paper to get that simple little note right. And maybe a few of the guys helped. I left it tucked in with the chocolates.

Then Summer handed Linc off to me for adventure club. This week they were collecting and identifying shells on the beach.