Go Away, Darling - Alexis Anne Page 0,31
it was true, I didn’t want to hear it. Not now.
“Chris.” She rubbed her temples, sighing. “God no. It’s not that. It’s…”
“It’s what?”
“It’s the playoffs. Everything is bigger right now. More intense. I don’t want us to get caught up in the whirlwind only to get blown over in the process. I’ve done this before. I know how it works. Every spare thought and moment you have will be sucked up by this until it’s over. And when it’s over, win or lose, there’s nothing. For weeks and weeks and weeks. And then it starts all over again. I told you when this began it needed to be slow. I need to see for myself and for Linc that your world is one we can live in.”
I felt a cool sweat break out over my skin. No matter what happened in a game I never got nervous. But I was nervous now. “You know me, Liv. You know I’m not like him. What has you so worried?” I wish I could erase the connections she saw between me and Beau because we were nothing alike.
On road trips I dug into her ex just so I'd have information on what I was dealing with. Between my agent, a few mutual friends, and some news articles I was able to piece together a snapshot of Beau Rowland. He was an excellent running back. He was focused and intense, he liked his money and knew how to party—all things I would never associate with Olivia. So it made sense that they divorced and went their separate ways.
What I didn’t understand—couldn’t without hearing it from her—was what she connected between Beau and me. I really hoped it was very little.
She cleared her throat. “I like it here, Chris. Beau hates it. Island life is the right life for me. Quiet, warm, small. I like that my kid knows everyone on his walk to school. I like that every business knows us. I can spend days at home in my studio working and it’s fine. But Beau likes the city. He needs the pace and the twenty-four hour services. He’s a night owl and I’m not. He loves restaurants and I love cooking food I grew in my own garden. We got to the point where I was crying in the bathroom before cocktail parties and having panic attacks because I didn’t want to be there. And Beau was dreading coming to the island. He told me once that his skin starts itching the moment he thinks about how quiet it is here.
“You scare me,” she whispered. It physically hurt to hear those words. “Your schedule, the things I feel when you kiss me...I never wanted to date another athlete.”
I went to her. Fuck space. Fuck hiding. I pulled her into my arms and sighed with relief when her arms went around me and she pressed her cheek to my chest. “Lots of people travel for work. And then they come home. I’ll always come home, Liv. This is my home.” I should have meant the island—and I did—but as the words left my mouth I knew they weren’t technically true. This specific slice of the island was my home now. This woman and the little boy in the next room.
It was everything I ever wanted.
I brushed my fingers through her hair and swayed a little to the jaunty music filtering in from Linc’s game. “I’ll prove it to you.”
She looked up at me and nodded. “Okay.” Then she rose up on her toes and pressed a fierce kiss to my lips. “I believe you. I do.” Then why were her eyes so sad? “But you’re about to go through something huge. I worry I’ll put my feelings from the past onto you, or that you’ll confuse the emotions of your playoffs with what’s happening between us.”
Valid concerns. I hated that they were valid. “So what do you propose?” I couldn’t bring myself to let her go.
But she pressed away from me and I refused to hold her against her will. She retreated a few steps away, hugging herself instead of letting me do the comforting. I had a feeling that was normal for her and I vowed to one day fix that. “I propose, as much as it sucks, to keep things as they are. Unless that’s a dealbreaker for you, which I totally understand.”
“It’s not what I want. I want to tell my teammates about us. I want to share all of this,