ways to an apple tree at the edge of an orchard. He reached up, his long body stretching skyward as he picked four apples, cradling them in his arms as he ran back to her.
“Think old Mr. Pinkney will notice four missin’ apples?”
“Bet not,” she said, handing him Thunder’s reins and taking two of the apples. One she gave to Heath, and the other she bit into, letting the tangy sweetness slip down her throat. “You never talked about the other half.”
“The other half?” he asked, apple juice pooling at the corner of his mouth. For just a moment, she imagined herself being bold enough to lick it off.
“When I asked if you were looking forward to gettin’ back, you said, ‘Half yes, half no.’ What’s the ‘half no’?”
“Oh,” he said, raising his eyebrows and taking another bite of his apple as he gazed down at her, and she wished she knew what he was thinking because he winced just slightly before turning away from her and pulling on Thunder’s reins to start walking again.
She followed him, good at knowing when Cain had talked himself into a corner, but also certain that if she stayed silent, he’d talk himself out of it.
After a while, he said, “There’s this quote I like, about how teenage boys see their fathers as stupid, but by the time they turn twenty-one, they’re shocked by how much their fathers have learned.”
Ginger chuckled softly, taking another bite of apple before offering the rest to Heath.
“It’s a little like that with my dad,” said Cain. “We never . . . I don’t know . . . we never really got along. He was so into the farm and the horses. Always seemed like he had way more in common with Woodman than me.”
“And now?”
“Either he grew up . . . or I did . . . or we both did,” said Cain thoughtfully. “Thing is, he still talks about horses all the danged time, it’s just that—”
“You don’t hate it so much?”
Cain shook his head. “I don’t hate it at all. Kind of like it, actually. There’s somethin’ . . . familiar about it.”
“Comfortin’.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“And the farm?”
“Same thing,” he said. “I was so fuckin’ anxious to leave here, but it’s been a surprise comin’ back, you know? Comin’ home? Like seein’ it all through different eyes and realizin’ that everythin’ you thought you hated really wasn’t so bad.”
“That’s ’cause you’re different,” she said.
“You think so?”
“Oh, yeah,” she said, looking up as a flock of geese honked above them, heading south in a V formation. “I know so. You’re not half as mad or hotheaded. I mean, you’re still a flirt,” she said, elbowing him in the side. “But you grew up a lot while you were away, Cain.”
“That’s because I found a purpose,” he said. “Same way you have, Gin.”
But my purpose keeps me here, while yours will take you so very far away from me, she thought mournfully, imagining him leaving for Virginia on Friday and not coming home for a long, long time as he finished his commitment, toured the world on his motorcycle, then reenlisted for another four years. It was so depressing, a lump formed in her throat, and she stared down at the ground wishing it away.
“So, yeah, I think I’ll miss my dad. And I’ll be sorry to leave my cousin. Ain’t never been a sailor without him around.”
“I’ll look after him,” she said, chancing a glance at Cain’s face as she said this. He clenched his jaw, reaching up to swipe at his bottom lip with his thumb.
“I’m sure you will,” he said, an edge to his voice.
When you’re ready, come find me. I’ll be waitin’ for you.
Woodman’s words knocked around in her head, and she thought about them . . . thought about Cain being away for the past three years . . . thought about him going away again and never really coming back. Even if he didn’t reenlist, he wanted to see the world, and her world was here, in Apple Valley. If she was smart, she’d forget the way her heart fluttered around Cain, the way her fingers longed to touch him and her ear inclined to the low, sweet sound of his voice. If she was smart, she’d get on her horse right now and ride away, over to Woodman’s house, and tell him that she’d decided to give them a try. If she was smart, she’d put every ounce of effort she had