It was all very cloak and dagger and I was reminded in serious tones by Arjun that to speak of it might lead to future problems, a hostile takeover by another company, so I swore once again not to breathe a word.
They’ve just left and the house is empty once more. I’m still not used to being on my own in this way, knowing that for the rest of the afternoon and evening I might not see another soul or speak to another human being. Perhaps Arjun’s project will change that for others in the same boat. I always took it for granted that you would be there to listen to my ramblings, to humour me, to fill the house with noise. I miss hearing your chatter, I miss being confused about the members of your book club, I miss you getting cross with me because I can’t remember the names of the people in your book club despite the fact that you’ve told me their names a hundred times. I miss your thoughts and your insights. I just miss you.
Teddy x
Chapter 22
Love is in the little things
MAX, 86
Work, everyday life, phone calls and meetings were draining. Every moment of the next few days was spent going over and over in my head how our row had escalated so far out of control. I desperately wanted to pick up the phone to Amy and tell her but knew I couldn’t. I was the last person she wanted to hear from. Why was I making such a complete and utter cock-up of everything?
Alan, my head of chambers, had approached me about applying for silk in a year’s time. I watched his mouth opening and closing but my brain could barely process the words. What had seemed my ultimate goal a few months ago, my ultimate route to being happy, successful and sorted, suddenly seemed trivial, and that thought frightened me.
Luke had stayed at Adam’s house the night before, a brief text told me, no kisses on the end. I didn’t really deserve kisses. I thought fleetingly of returning the message with a whole string of them, some heart emojis and an amusing yet moving gif that would soften him up, but knew I needed to see him to fix this one. I cringed as I ran through some of the things I’d said, my voice cold as I’d levelled horrible comments at him. He had been brilliant these last few months, patient and caring, and I had been taking advantage of his good nature. That was going to change.
After meeting with a new client to go over their defence (in a nutshell: yes the CCTV is correct – he did break his nose but only because the other guy was definitely going to punch him) I set off for Pimlico, glad of a cloudy but still afternoon and hoping to be able to persuade Luke to walk with me somewhere. That morning I had worn my red polka dot shirt and pencil skirt combo that I knew he loved, with high heels that had made my feet ache all day. Applying red lipstick on a juddering Tube using a compact hand mirror had almost undone me but finally I was there, feeling positive, feeling ready to fix what I’d broken.
Heading out of Pimlico station I wound my way down a side street, a shortcut to Luke’s office. Stomach leaping, almost there, I passed by a chain coffee shop on the other side of the road. What I saw in the window caused me to dive for cover next to a large black bin in a graffitied doorway. Barely noticing the smell, I trained my attention on the two people sitting on stools in the large picture window. There was no doubting it. Luke was in earnest conversation with a petite, glossy redhead: Storm.
I scanned the scene for more of his colleagues. Perhaps it was a work meeting? Perhaps they were on some team-building exercise where they had to drink lattes and stack caramel shortbreads? Perhaps . . . At that moment Storm flung her head back, her smooth creamy neck (enticingly small, definitely small enough for two hands to close around it) on show as she laughed at something Luke said. He in turn looked delighted with the reaction, gesturing passionately with two hands as he always did when he was excited about something.
I felt my stomach disappear. I wanted to slump against the wall