My finger hovered automatically over Luke’s name. We’d been stepping round each other in the flat, barely talking since the night of charades. In fact, recently he’d been out more and more. Normally I would return to find him in the flat, evidence that he’d been there all evening (three beer bottles, saucepans soaking, empty pizza boxes) but I had often returned to an empty flat or he would appear moments later refusing to be drawn on where he’d been.
‘Work,’ he’d say.
Dark thoughts nudged at me briefly but I trusted Luke and I couldn’t say anything much. I was out all hours too. I pressed his name decisively: he would understand. He knew how much Amy meant to me. I heard the ringtone and already felt hope swell inside me.
‘Hello, Luke Winters’ phone.’
I frowned at the airy female voice, realising I had pressed his work number and not his mobile. In the next split second I realised I was on the line with Storm. Why was she always nearby or answering his phone? Did she have aspirations to work on a reception desk? Was she just loitering there being all sexy and red-headed in the hope I would phone and she could rub my nose in it?
‘Um, hello . . . Luke Winters’ phone. Can I help?’
‘Hi, Storm, isn’t it? It’s Lottie,’ I said, knowing I had ice in my voice, not pausing for a reply. ‘Could I speak to Luke please. It’s important,’ I added. Yeah, Storm, important.
‘Oh hey, Lottie,’ she said, as if we were Best Friends Forever. ‘He’s just popped to the loo actually, oh no, hold on, he’s heading back this way. Luuuuuke!’ I could hear a giggle and a sentence and Luke’s reply. ‘Here he is,’ she sing-songed so that I made a face at the phone. I could feel my knuckles tightening on my mobile.
‘Lottie,’ Luke said. ‘Is everything all right? Are you OK?’ I felt a swell of relief at the worry in his voice, and also the fact that Storm was probably close enough to hear it too. Ha, Storm. Then I heard a giggle again and I hoped that the next time she went to her wardrobe to look for her favourite heels they weren’t there, or that she could only locate the left one. ‘Lottie? Are you OK?’ Luke repeated, interrupting my latest Storm curse.
I couldn’t keep the recent hurt from my voice. ‘I just . . . ’ It felt strange and selfish now to launch into my story about Amy. ‘I just thought I’d call, see how your day is going—’
‘Look, I’m really sorry but we’re quite busy this end, can we speak later?’
The use of ‘we’ made me clench my jaw. ‘Sure,’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘Wouldn’t want to get in the way.’
Luke paused a moment. I could almost see him turning inwards as his voice dropped a tone. ‘Everything all right, Lottie?’
‘Bad day,’ I mumbled. ‘I was going to head to ChoccyDee.’
‘Well, that might cheer you up, you love that place,’ Luke said quickly and loudly, clearly wanting to leave the call.
‘Oh yes,’ I snapped, losing my patience, the phone call not going as I’d intended, ‘a cup of hot chocolate should definitely compensate for the potential loss of my best friend.’
Nothing on the end of the line. I thought I might have lost connection. Then a weary sigh. ‘I didn’t mean . . . look, I am sorry, Lottie. I’ll talk to you later, OK? I’ve got to go—’
‘I understand,’ I interrupted dramatically. ‘You are obviously far too busy. I just wanted to hear your voice, more fool me,’ I said, firing the words down the phone.
Luke lowered his voice. ‘Hey, I get that you’ve had a bad day’ – I felt the tears start up again; why did I have to be such a Super Bitch? – ‘but, look, I can’t help you from here and I don’t want to fall out with you, OK?’
I should have agreed. He was right. I was always barking at him; he was the first person to feel the full force of any bad mood of mine. I felt chastened as I stood there. Then a stupid woman’s voice and a little laugh distracted me. ‘Well, you must get back to Storm and all the important work,’ and with a quick swipe at my phone I hung up on him.
Glowering at passers-by I set off down the road, elbows sharp today, just wanting to