theme: it’s disgusting – we both want to kill ourselves), how we should see that film/exhibition/show but then turn to Netflix for the eighteenth episode of a box set neither of us can remember.
Margaret was still sitting beside me, politely waiting for my weird daydream to end. Was it my turn to speak?
‘So, yeah, we have loads of fun.’
I looked over at Grandad, roaring with laughter at something Geoffrey was saying. Arjun and Howard had joined them too and I watched him, his friends surrounding him, Luke slapping him on the back.
‘Loads.’
I was quiet on the journey back, mulling things over still, and distracted by the fact I needed to go over what I was doing the next day. The evening hadn’t been a complete waste of time but I probably wouldn’t be joining the next biannual whist meet.
It had been good to meet Margaret and we had swapped email addresses. I wanted to send her some links to websites and podcasts by inspiring women I thought she’d like. Subject heading: It’s never too late for feminism.
Grandad had been a bit flustered as we were leaving. ‘This wasn’t really your crowd, was it? We shouldn’t have started it like that. Howard did warn me. Keep the faith, Lottie,’ he said, and the passion in his voice made me laugh and nod.
Luke seemed to have enjoyed himself but then he could slip easily into most settings. If there was a vague excuse to be competitive and drink at the same time he was pretty content.
‘All right?’ he said, watching me change into my pyjamas and then wearily stack papers and folders in a pile to take through to the living room.
‘Fine.’
‘It wasn’t exactly the most romantic evening,’ he said, easing the papers out of my hands and moving through to the living room with them.
‘It was fine, not bad,’ I said, like a 3-star Trip Advisor reviewer.
‘It made me think, though,’ he said, placing the folders and papers on the table. ‘We should be doing more stuff together, shouldn’t we? That was the best part of the night, being slightly bored at times but being slightly bored and able to share that with you.’
‘So whistling not your thing?’ I said, trying not to look twitchy at the amount of paper I needed to look at tonight.
‘No, but I like this new project of your grandad’s. Let’s give it another go.’
I pulled out the chair ready to take a seat and start work. ‘I’ll ask him what’s next.’
Luke dipped down and kissed my shoulder. ‘Do. And don’t work too late,’ he said, with no real feeling, knowing full well he would be asleep long before I made it back to our bed.
I watched him leave the room with a small, sad smile. He was right. We did need to spend more time together. Otherwise what was the point of being together at all?
Darling Cora,
Are you cross that I have agreed to date women in return for ensuring Luke and Lottie do more things together? I’ve been imagining that look you can give me, that arch of your eyebrow that could always put the fear of God into me. Those times were few but memorable: after I told you it would be extravagant to double-glaze all the windows in the house; when I was so unwell on New Year’s Eve I vomited in your window box, and when I sat you down and told you I wanted to retrain as a zookeeper. You know what you mean to me and it isn’t about me meeting someone else, I couldn’t meet someone else, there is no one else but I want to play along, I want to show willing so that Lottie continues to play along too. But I am aware I haven’t really asked your permission. You won’t start haunting me horribly or send down your mother to do it for you?
The scheme has been launched and Lottie and Luke were present and correct at the whist drive in the hall. You would have loved seeing them there surrounded by blue rinses and our friends. I’m not completely convinced it was the triumphant success I hoped it would be but when they left they seemed comfortable and happy, Luke giving me a discreet thumbs-up and Lottie grinning up at him. I do believe one of them let slip our little arrangement, as worryingly Paula sidled over to me at the end of the night and although she said she was just returning her