of those conversations I was hopeless at. What was the right thing to say? I needed to defend my Lottie, but Luke had always been a good boy. I rubbed at my face. Fortunately Luke seemed to understand my dithering and changed the subject. ‘You don’t want to buy cigarettes, do you?’
‘No,’ I said miserably.
‘I’m glad. I was wondering who the secret smoker was you were buying for.’
I scuffed the floor with my foot. ‘Just needed to get you alone,’ I admitted.
‘Well, we’ll pretend I didn’t know how to work it.’ Luke patted me on the shoulder and I looked up as he seemed to smile for the first time that day.
Feeling lighter I walked back across the pub with him to say goodbye.
Watching Luke leave I felt better for having said something. He gave me a last nod as Storm seemed to skip out of the door.
Turning back I watched Arjun sink into a nearby chair, all energy spent, catching his breath. It was clear the last hour of excitement had probably been all he could take. I felt my heart ache at the sight. ‘Right, let’s get you back home,’ I said in a faux-jolly voice.
Arjun just nodded, unable to respond, and I felt a swirl of sickness inside me and suddenly wished I was able to share my sadness with Lottie. I’d missed her visits and the easy atmosphere we had fostered between us. I realised as I guided Arjun outside that I needed her now more than ever.
As I always need you, my love.
Teddy x
Chapter 27
Love doesn’t have to be perfect but it does have to be true
ALBERT, 79
I knew I should get up, was slumped on the sofa, the curtains half closed, a streetlight opposite flickering distractedly. Making food seemed an effort and I had found a half-open bag of crisps, tomato in flavour, which I hated but Luke loved. Eating them was making me feel closer to him and only a little bit nauseous. Nothing appealed on the television and the volume was funny and I’d forgotten how to fix the speaker attached to the television, something I’d always made Luke do. Obviously it wasn’t the only reason I missed him, but right now it was definitely top three. A stack of work on the table reminded me that I had a busy day ahead but I had lost all motivation and popped another crisp in my mouth.
The buzzer sounded and it was a moment before I realised it was for our flat. Something inside me skipped and I leapt off the sofa, frantically smoothing at my hair and wishing my breath didn’t smell of tomato. Who would call round at nine o’clock apart from Luke? Although why would Luke use the buzzer when he had a key? Fumbling to press the intercom button I bit down the nerves.
‘Helloooo.’ Oh God I’d pitched it too cheery, immediately hoping the greeting wouldn’t make him change his mind about coming home.
‘Lottie, it’s me.’
My heart sank at the female voice, no Luke at all, but then lifted again as I registered who was speaking.
‘Come up.’ I pressed the button to unlock the front door and tried not to feel too hopeful. Maybe I had left something at the school? Maybe she was coming to shout at me more? Maybe one of the teachers had complained? Maybe, oh God, the headmistress had fired her for her association with me? All these worries almost stopped me opening the flat door to Amy. She could be scary at the best of times but an angry, fired Amy was beyond even my imagination.
Her knock came, brisk and efficient. Swallowing, I edged towards the door, opening it in tiny, timid movements as if she were here to mug me.
She was standing in the hallway underneath the single lightbulb, still dressed in her work clothes.
‘Hey.’
‘Hey.’ I gave her an awkward smile.
‘Can I come in?’
‘Of course,’ I stuttered, pulling the door open wider and standing back. No weapon visible. Good.
‘Thanks.’ She moved inside. ‘Is Luke in?’
‘No.’ I didn’t expand and she didn’t question it further.
‘That’s good. I was hoping we could talk.’
Nerves fluttered in my stomach at the statement and I followed her through to the living room, heading over to the curtains to close them, finally blocking out the blinking of the streetlight.
‘Tea, coffee, water, wine, I think I have some juice, it might be off . . . ’ I knew I was talking quickly but I couldn’t seem to stop listing