Gimme Everything You Got - Iva-Marie Palmer Page 0,24

hadn’t counted on how brisk it was going to be at practice. It was one of those September days when the wind was just cold and fast enough to feel like a slap, so my nipples were pointy and hard within minutes of getting to the field.

Still, the magazine had suggested I throw my shoulders back and be daring, so I did.

“Is that one Hi, and that one How Are You?” Candace said, pointing at my breasts.

“More like Come, and Get It,” Tina said. “Do you want to catch his eye or put his eyes out?”

“Shut up—Bobby’s here,” I said.

He came onto the field looking, momentarily, like someone who’d be described as pure of heart. It was most likely because the day was overcast and he was standing in the sole patch of sunlight, but I crossed my arms over my chest, thinking now was not the moment to make my bralessness known.

“It looks like everyone’s here,” Bobby said. “I hope you’re all as excited as I am to get things going. This first week, we’ll be focused on the basics. Foot-eye coordination, ball handling, overall conditioning. I know a lot of you haven’t played before, but I have complete faith that you’re each going to feel like you know what you’re doing very soon. All I ask is that you don’t get discouraged. Some of the best athletes are made, not born, so don’t be afraid to get things wrong. I’m here to help.”

Despite his encouragement—and the praise he peppered over everything we got even half right—we struggled through the basics, repeating things until they grew boring. Bobby must have noticed our attention waning, because toward the end of practice he said we could try kicking at the goal—which was just a section of the field marked off by some old cones he’d brought, since we didn’t have a real goal.

Sadly, there was no way for Bobby to notice my boobs when our feet and their lack of cooperation were his only concern.

“Don’t worry, kicking a soccer ball only looks simple if you’ve worked on it for years,” he said, positioning himself in front of the ball and reeling back his right leg, then sending the ball on a fast forward trajectory toward the cones. “Once you get it, there’s nothing more satisfying.”

I could think of many more satisfying things.

We took our turns and not once did Bobby give me a special look. On Dana Miller’s turn, he came over and helped her get into position, touching her shoulders. On my turn, I hoped for the same thing to happen. But instead I rocketed my ball sideways, sending it into a row of bushes, and I had to go fish it out. My shirt got snagged on a branch and I left practice with a scratch on my nipple.

Tip #2: Remember the power of good old-fashioned eyelash batting. Play up your peepers with dramatic makeup and lock stares with that handsome stranger.

Tuesday Susan lined her eyes.

I spent ten minutes after school applying turquoise liquid eye shadow until my eyes looked as big and bright as Bambi’s, and then I had Candace help me glue on fake eyelashes so thick, I felt tired keeping my lids open. “You look really good,” she said, and I started to forgive her for her lack of early support.

“You’re all looking good,” Bobby told us as we muddled our way through the same things we’d done the day before. He’d given another long and inspiring speech, but even though I acted like I was paying close attention, I never got the eye contact I wanted. Instead, Wendy faked a twisted ankle and Bobby stopped everything to hold her leg in his hand and check it.

“I bet you wish you’d thought of that,” Tina said, as Wendy sat there with a smug grin. I did.

When we finally had to run laps, I sprinted ahead of everyone just to be alone for a minute, even though it made my eye makeup melt and trickle into my eyes. I felt like an idiot and wanted to cry.

Tip #3: Don’t be afraid to get wet. A woman’s skin beaded with water fresh from a shower or a swim is an earthy, natural enticement. Try it at the beach, or when you greet your favorite delivery man!

Wednesday Susan brought a milk jug filled with water from home.

I wasn’t sure how much water I’d need. Bobby had us do more of the same drills we’d run the last two days.