goes on, the harder it will be to tell him the truth. We were playing with his latest cocoa book the other day, and I showed him some pictures of uniforms … there were British uniforms, French uniforms, American uniforms—and German uniforms. Will took his crayon and scratched through the drawings of the German tunics.” She made a sound like a sigh. “It’s only natural, I suppose. But still…”
She paused, but then more than one person was speaking at the same time and I didn’t catch what she said next.
“… think Hal’s a lovely man.” This was Lottie.
“But Wilhelm really got under Sam’s skin.” Ruth said this more gently.
I could hear no reply. Was Sam nodding her agreement?
More talking all at once, then: “… I know you both think I’m foolish—to have fallen for Wilhelm, I mean, and to have slept with him… but I did, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Those weeks with him were so intense, I didn’t know life could be so …vivid. I thought my heart might stop at any moment when war broke out and I realized I might never hear from him again. I felt so sure he would find a way to let me know where he was and that he was safe. Hal came into my life too soon, really. I did a good job, I think, of not letting him see how inconsolable I was, how much I missed Wilhelm.”
“And now?” Lottie again.
“I don’t feel quite so overwhelmed by Wilhelm’s absence, as I did. Hal and I sleep together and it’s … it’s better than it has a right to be, in fact. Hal’s a considerate lover—he’s a considerate man—and when we are making love, I forget everything else. I never imagined I would need sex so much, but I do.”
“Lucky you,” growled Lottie.
“The funny thing is … I would be a lot fonder of Hal, but for Will.”
“How do you mean?”
“The older he gets, the more he resembles his father—”
“Isn’t that natural?”
“Yes, of course, but what’s also natural, but in a different way, is that he has adopted some of Hal’s mannerisms. He’s become— becoming—a perfect mix of Wilhelm and Hal. He doesn’t realize he is a mix, of course, it’s all unconscious, but I can’t help but notice. Hal can’t know just how much Will looks like his father, and I’m not going to rub it in, that would be unkind. But I have to face this mix every day and it cuts through me. What am I going to do?”
A pause.
“If I were you, I’d throw in my lot with Hal.”
“Lottie’s right,” said Ruth. “Even if Wilhelm makes it through the war without being killed, can you ever… a German husband… it wouldn’t be easy.”
I never heard Sam’s reply. Just then I heard a movement behind me. Will, his pajamas crumpled and awry, was standing in the corridor, watching me. How long had he been there, I wondered, what had he heard?
I lifted him up, took him back to bed, and read him the rest of the story.
“What’s wrong with you?” Those were the brigadier’s first words when he clapped eyes on me the next day.
“My sister-in-law’s fiancé came home from the Front, on leave. Family celebration.” It was just a white lie, about Lottie being engaged.
He nodded. “What regiment is he in?”
“The Yorkshire Fusiliers.”
“He’s lucky. They’re at the sharp end, just now, near Bertrix. I thought all leave had been canceled. Anyway, was your break worth it? Was I right about that?”
“Yes sir.”
“Good, now follow me.”
He got up, came round his desk, opened the side door to his office. Through the doorway was a small room with a desk, at which sat a woman of about thirty. She was dark-haired, slim, and wore spectacles. She was dressed in trousers and a white shirt.
“Hal, this is Nadia, your new assistant. Nadia, this is Hal, Colonel Montgomery.”
Surprised at this turn of events, Nadia and I shook hands.
“Now come through into your office.” He led the way to the other side of the room and opened a door.
Beyond was a space about twice the size of Nadia’s, with a desk, a window looking out onto the fabled lawn, and—I could not believe my eyes—on the desk stood a telephone! I was to have a job that needed a telephone.
I picked it up and put the earpiece to my ear.
“Oh, it works all right, don’t worry about that. You’ll be shown how all the kit works in due