Paul appeared on board with ignoring last night, no more comments about needing to talk about something that shouldn’t have happened. I didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed, so I settled for feigning disinterest.
“You don’t have to come with us to see Santa,” I announced in a casual tone, hoping to hell he would say yes, but also wanting to give him an out.
“The booking is in my name.”
“I’m sure they’ll never ask for my name.” He shot me a confused glance, but I refused to drop my gaze.
“It’s fine,” he said after a short pause. “I want to go.” He pulled his hand from his pocket and stared pointedly at his watch. “We’re leaving in thirty.”
“Fuck,” I whispered as I slumped back in my chair. This thinking about Paul had to stop, because it was driving me insane. Driving me? I was already insane and there was no one to blame but myself. Booking brunch with Santa and his elf helpers had seemed like such a good idea when Paul had suggested it, but now it was just going to be an awkward, messy situation.
With a sigh that was due to a lack of sleep with a healthy slap of regret, I headed downstairs and paused inside the door. There were touches of Paul everywhere—a book about Iceland on the coffee table, a mug of half-drunk tea next to it. Every chance he had he was checking out places he could go, and I knew he had a top ten list. I’d seen it, Iceland at the top, Hawaii, London, Paris… I knew it all by heart because he told the children all about these magical places whenever he read them stories. The list was in his room, tacked up next to a poster of cherry blossoms in Japan.
I’d known he was a wanderer, he’d warned me and I hadn’t listened.
“Daddy!” Anna was sprawled on the floor coloring and the only one to acknowledge me in her usual loud manner. Aden sat quietly on the sofa with a book, and AJ was engrossed with her Legos. All three of them were dressed and I guessed they were ready to go out, although they had no idea what we’d planned. Hell, if they’d known they were meeting Santa they’d have been on the ceiling with excitement.
Perched on the window seat and framed by Christmas lights, Paul dangled car keys and eyed his watch again.
“I get the hint,” I muttered, causing Aden and AJ to notice I was there as well.
I sat on the edge of the sofa, “So guys, who wants to meet Santa for breakfast?” I asked as if it was the most important question of the day, and all three kids threw themselves at me, and then Paul, and then back at me in sheer excitement.
“Can we ask for a puppy?” Anna asked.
“No to a puppy, but you can ask for anything that was on your list, just to make sure he knows.”
The journey to the mall was loud and full of excitement in the back, and I couldn’t be subdued as I navigated through the Christmas Eve shoppers out last minute buying. Paul and I had done all the shopping we needed a long time ago, spent one evening last week wrapping everything, drinking beer, chatting like the friends we’d become. This was before he’d handed in his notice and I’d lost my grip. We managed to find a space a long way from the entrance and then with me holding hands with AJ and Aden, and with Anna tugging Paul along, we finally made it to the cordoned-off café. I had to push away thinking about New Year, and instead throw myself into Christmas as if my life depended on it. For the kids.
The children loved every minute, sitting on Santa’s knee, and from where I stood I could hear Anna asking for a puppy.
“I’m sorry Anna,” Santa said with an added and very jolly ho ho ho. “The elves can’t make a puppy, but tell me what else is on your list.”
She didn’t seem that upset by the puppy thing as she went over her list.
“I wonder if he gets paid extra for the puppy asks?” Paul smiled as Anna hugged Santa then sat at the huge craft table with yet more tubs of glitter, and it was Aden’s turn. This whole event was running as smooth as clockwork, but Anna and glitter was an accident waiting to happen. Paul was at