Ghost (Boston Underworld #3) - A. Zavarelli Page 0,88
I never cried before. But now, I’m a mess.
Just as she always said I was. And I always tried to prove so hard that I wasn’t.
I don’t care anymore. I don’t care if she thinks me weak. My heart is broken. Destroyed. And I have to make a life altering decision. One that will hurt us both, no matter what I decide. I don’t want Alexei to think I’m dead, but I know Lachlan is right. He won’t let me go any other way.
This isn’t what I wanted.
At all.
But this is my reality. And I need to think of what’s best for me. For once in my life. And for the baby. Which deserves to have his father in his life. Alexei would be a good father.
But if he knew, then that would mean sacrificing myself. The rest of my life living with a man who hates me.
“I can’t win,” I tell them both. “No matter what I decide, I can’t win.”
“Then you never should have married him,” Mack replies.
I look up at her, and so does Lachlan. Her voice is cold. Angry. Bitter.
“You should have come to me.”
“You wouldn’t have understood,” I tell her. “And you can’t fix everything for me, Mack. You can’t fix me.”
“Those are just the same old excuses, Tal. Complete bullshit.”
“Mack,” Lachlan’s voice is warm and soft when he speaks with her. Filled with real love. It chokes me up even more. “Now is not the time.”
“I know it’s not the frigging time,” Mack replies. “But Jesus, Talia. What the hell are you thinking right now? Of course you can’t go back there. Look at you. You’re a goddamn mess. For once in your life, think. Fucking think about this baby that you’re bringing into the world. About what’s best for him.”
And I don’t know why, but I laugh. Because maybe this is what I need. My anger. Maybe Mack is doing me a favor by picking a fight with me right now.
“So let me get this straight,” I reply. “You can marry into the mob, but I can’t? How does that work exactly?”
“My husband isn’t an abusive asshole,” she states. “Look at you. Look at what he did to you. You can barely hold it together.”
“You don’t know him,” I snap. “So why don’t you… for once in your life… quit judging everyone else around you, huh? I was like this long before Alexei ever came into my life. If anything, he put me back together.”
I don’t mention that he broke me too. Because they can both see it. But Mack is determined to argue.
“I’m not judging you, I’m stating a fact. You always assumed the worst of me, Tal. But all I’ve ever done was try to protect you.”
“No, all you’ve ever done is try to get me to be exactly like you,” I yell at her. “To think like you. Act like you. Do as Mack would do with all her high morals and bullshit. You are such a fucking hypocrite.”
She blinks at me, stunned, but I’m not finished. It’s time we got this out, once and for all.
“You pride yourself on your loyalty to your friends, but you don’t even know them.”
“I know you better than anyone,” she snaps.
“No, you don’t. You refused to listen to me. When I tried to tell you the dark things about myself. You just didn’t want to accept them as a part of me. But that isn’t the way life works, Mack. You have to accept the bad in people too. Like Scarlett. Like me.”
“What does Scarlett have to do with this?”
“You don’t even know what she does!” I shout. “When she’s out at night.”
“She sells her body,” she replies. “Everybody fucking knows it.”
“Except she doesn’t.” I look at her and shake my head. “Not at all.”
Mack is stunned, and Lachlan seems uncomfortable with this conversation, but keeps his mouth shut. I’ve always appreciated that about him. That he lets someone speak their piece. And that for once, someone isn’t looking at me like I’m completely crazy.
“She’s a trick roller,” I tell Mack. “She doesn’t fuck men. She robs them. Because it gives her some of the power back that she lost. But you couldn’t ever understand that.”
“I could…” Mack sputters, but the words die off.
“No you couldn’t,” I tell her. “Because you aren’t like us, Mack. I’m sorry, but you’re not. You’re stronger. And you haven’t walked our path. But you judge us for it. You do.”