Ghost (Boston Underworld #3) - A. Zavarelli Page 0,74

late that Sasha is walking in my direction.

I shut the door and sit on the bed, hoping she didn’t see me. But I know she did.

And it isn’t a minute later that the door creaks open.

Her eyes go wide when she sees me. And all of my defenses go up, preparing for battle.

“Talia?”

I don’t reply. My mouth is dry and I’m dizzy. I feel like she can see all of the wrong and bad parts of me. All of the things that happened while I was gone. And I understand now why I felt safe with Alexei from the beginning. Because he didn’t know me before.

But Sasha did. And she can see that I’m not the same. That I’m broken and damaged and… wrong.

“Do you remember me?” she asks.

My heart is beating too fast. Too loud. My palms are clammy. And the memories are swirling around in my brain. My last days at the club. How I was so happy when Dmitri came to see me. How excited I was for our time in Mexico.

I don’t want to remember. And she is bringing it all back. This girl who used to know me.

“Of course I remember you,” I snap. “I’m not brain dead.”

“Everyone thinks you’re dead,” she says. “You do know that, right?”

I want to tell her I am dead. That as far as anyone who knew me in my old life goes, I no longer exist. But I don’t. I can’t get the words out. I can’t stop thinking about Mack. Because I know she’s thinking about her too. I can see it in her eyes. It’s ripping me apart. I want to ask her so many things. I want to ask if Mack is really happy. If she hates me. But I don’t.

I shrug. That’s it. That’s all I’ve got.

“Do you realize what this has done to Mack?” she asks me. “She’s been sick over this whole situation for months. Do you have any idea what she went through to try to get you back?”

The guilt weighs heavy on me. But it’s too soon. I can’t deal with this now. I’m not ready to face that part of my life again.

“I don’t want to go back there.”

“Okay…” She sighs. “But can’t you call her? Let her know you’re alright?”

“She won’t understand,” I try to explain. “Mack has never understood. She’ll want the girl back that she lost. But I’m not her anymore. I’ll never be her again.”

“So you’re just going to let her think you’re dead?” she demands. “She was your best friend.”

She was. And I care for her. I know my actions don’t show it. That Sasha can’t understand it. But how can I explain it when I don’t understand it myself?

“I’m going to tell her,” she says. “She’s my friend too. And I can’t let her go on thinking that you’re dead when you’re not. It isn’t right.”

“Do what you have to,” is my reply.

Sasha edges back towards the door, and I breathe a little at seeing her retreat. At seeing my past ebb away and preserving my safe little bubble where the present cannot collide with it.

“Are you okay here?” she asks. “Are you safe?”

“Yes. Alexei is very good to me. I don’t want to leave him.”

“Okay,” she says. “Would you like my number though? Just in case?”

I shake my head.

And she walks out the door.

40

Alexei

Ronan is patched up and officially on the mend.

He’s going to be alright, the doctor tells us. She is on the Vory payroll, and her services are available only to us. Which means late hours and sometimes odd locations. But she is one of the best.

Those services don’t usually extend to our Irish alliance as well. Especially not the man who took it upon himself to shoot at Franco and I in the not too distant past.

He is still slightly delirious as the drugs wear off, but he has the coherence to say what he needs to.

“Thank you,” he tells me. “I know I do not deserve such a kindness from ye.”

“You can thank your girlfriend,” is my reply.

I never could stand to see a woman cry. His woman loves him deeply. And it earns him a little of the respect that he lost from me. But nothing in this life comes for free, and both Ronan and I are aware of this.

“I’ll need you to do something for me, once you’ve healed.”

“What do ye need?”

I turn to Franco and speak to him in Russian, asking him to retrieve the