where the police cars had all pulled up. You were so resigned, like you were exhausted, but determined. I knew that feeling. It's how I'd felt every day for so long, just getting out of bed. Like I wanted to quit more than anything." She paused when Crysis returned with the ball, only to throw it again. "You don't move like that anymore."
"I found something worth living for," he admitted.
"Or someone," she countered.
"Both," he said. "The games do help. The friends help more. Zara? She makes it all worthwhile."
"She's amazing," Dez told him. "I thought you were hung up on Riley for a bit there, though."
"Just a friend," he promised. "Until Zara, I didn't actually have any interest in that."
"Sex?" Dez asked.
Jason nodded. "Yeah. Touching. Letting someone in that far. Even with Zara, I was so sure I'd snap. Dez, most days I don't trust myself alone. With someone else?"
"I always thought no one would want to be around me," Dez admitted. "I didn't think I was worth caring about because of what they did to me."
"How many?" Jason asked, pulling out his phone.
She glanced at him quickly, then whistled for Crysis. "Five were arrested."
"But how many were there?" Jason asked. "I read the police reports too, Dez. I know they let you stop answering. Thing is, I'm not gonna ask you about what they did to you. I want to know what happened around you. How many people were there? What were they wearing? What did it sound like?"
"There was a radio in the next room," she said, her voice almost distant. "It was a warehouse, so that doesn't make any sense, but I think there was a half-wall or something, and the radio was on the other side. It played a lot of hip hop and dance music. Stuff with bass, and half the time, all I could hear was the thumping, not the lyrics."
"What did it smell like?" he asked.
She pulled her knees up to her chest and Crysis immediately moved to lie at her side. "Dry," she breathed. "The kind of dry that isn't natural. Dust that can't remember getting wet. Drywall. It was hot. Summer in Austin, so it should've been more humid, but it wasn't. There was a breeze, because the windows were all gone."
"Were the guys always there or did they take turns watching you?" he asked.
"No, they came around the same time, and all left at the same time. I hung alone all night. It would get so cold, too. That was shock, I think." She shook her head. "I'm skipping around. At first, it was just hot and dry. They had a hook that hung from the ceiling. Like, on a cable. It had been run through the rafters and to a winch box-thing. Electric. I could hear it."
"So you were blindfolded." He glanced down to make sure his phone was still recording.
"Yeah, they put something over my head when they grabbed me in the parking lot. A pillowcase or something. It was dark. Black or navy. It looked blue to me, but I could almost see through it. Of course I didn't tell them that. And then they drove. I later found out that the warehouse was well outside town. Nothing around but cows and a few empty buildings." She toyed with the edge of Crysis's ear. "The first few days, there were the most people. I know that doesn't make sense, but I was pretty sure there were eight or nine. They argued."
"About what?" Jason asked.
"They said they'd proven themselves. They were all in this together now. And they used, like, game names, but none I've seen. Everyone was a color and an animal. Black Snake, Blue Whale, Red Scorpion, and so on." She paused. "Black, red, blue, gold, silver, orange, green, grey, and white. I remember White Wolf."
"What were the rest?"
She just shook her head. "I don't know. Black Snake. Blue Whale, White Wolf, Red Scorpion, Gold Eagle, Silver Falcon, Orange Tiger, Green Shark, Grey Bear..." She counted them up on her fingers. "I guess I did remember."
"You're doing good," he promised. "Did they ever use other names, Dez? Game names or real ones? Doesn't matter. Even slurs."
"Never names," she admitted. "Asshole, dumbass, and faggot were pretty common. I got the impression they didn't like each other. I mean, they kept picking on one guy about being gay. Said he was a virgin, couldn't get it up, and shit like that. That's how it started, you know?"