sleep on. And I’ll attend all his work functions. I’ll even learn the rules of rugby. Josh will get a good deal.
Issie pauses and thinks about what I’ve said. We sit for an eternity.
Finally she mutters, ‘I can’t believe you’d play games with Josh, so I have to believe that you are genuine about this, Cas.’ She stares at me for about two hundred years.
‘I am.’ Her face relaxes into a broad, delighted and assured smile. I force a tight, relieved smile. I’ve often condemned her for being too trusting, saying she invites people to wipe their Manolo Blahniks on her soul. Now I’m grateful that she’s so ingenuous.
We are through it. Everything is going to be brilliant from now on.
I show her my ring. She ooohs and ahhs, appropriately. She says that she definitely will not wear pink, lilac or frills. I reach into my bag and pull out the Amanda Wakeley Wedding Collection brochure. We both giggle shrilly and generally allow ourselves to get completely over-excited.
This is what girlfriends are born for.
16
A whole new world opens up in front of me. An entirely novel conversational track. An individual way to relate to my mother, Josh’s mother, aunts, neighbours, women I meet at dinner parties, restaurants, art galleries, the gym – my Ph.D. in Brides and Setting up Home. What had I talked about before I had the cluster on my finger? It surprises and delights me that wedding preparation is an admirable substitute for sex. Which is a good thing because Josh and I have decided not to rush having sex.
‘Why?’ Issie doesn’t understand.
‘Well, we’re both finding it a bit harder than we imagined crossing over from friends to lovers.’
‘Isn’t that a fairly major detail, since you are planning on getting married? Aren’t married people supposed to be lovers?’
‘Yes, and friends.’ I sound defensive. ‘We thought of getting through the initial embarrassment by just getting pissed and shagging each other. After all, we’ve both done it to other people often enough in the past. But now that seems so tacky and cheap. I realized that the reason I can’t rush this is because I want it to be really special. A few more months without sex will be good for me.’
‘It might grow over, you know,’ teases Issie. I throw a cushion at her but we both shut up as Josh comes into the room with a tray of wine and Pringles.
‘Why do I get the feeling you were talking about me?’ He sits in-between us. Issie and I exchange glances.
‘Just singing your praises,’ Issie says.
Little white lies are a way of life. Issie could hardly say, ‘Oh, actually we were just talking about yours and Cas’s vow of celibacy.’
Although in the past we did discuss every aspect of our lives. The nitty gritty, not just loose morals but, when travelling in India, loose faeces too.
Tonight after Issie leaves I’ll tell Josh what we were really talking about. It’s a small shift in the dynamics, almost imperceptible and certainly not important.
Issie’s brother is designing our wedding invites so Issie has come round tonight to help us decide on the wording. Which is the other tiny change – Issie rarely pops round just to hang out any more. She only ever visits when she has a reason. Still, there are plenty of reasons – choosing dresses and flowers, repainting Josh’s flat, returning a casserole dish. Her visits are just as frequent, so it’s not really a problem.
‘So, Issie? Have you decided – are you going to be the bridesmaid or the best man?’ asks Josh.
‘I’m going to be the bridesmaid. I like the outfit better.’
‘You like me better,’ I screech playfully.
I notice she doesn’t answer me but instead asks, ‘So where are you getting married?’
We answer simultaneously and differently.
‘In London,’ I say.
‘At home,’ says Josh.
‘At home,’ I offer quickly.
‘In London,’ he presses.
‘We haven’t worked out the details,’ I smile apologetically to Issie. Wisely, she doesn’t comment.
‘We do have a date,’ says Josh. I snuggle closer to him.
‘Well, that’s good,’ smiles Issie. ‘When?’
‘June,’ I say.
‘July,’ says Josh at the same time. We both laugh. ‘Look, I don’t mind. Do what you want. I’m just thrilled. It’s going to be the best party ever.’ He leans in and kisses me. I wiggle away because I don’t want to embarrass Issie.
Josh leaves for rugby practice and Issie and I set to on Project Wedding. I approach it exactly as I approach projects at work.