The Game Changer The Final Score - By L.M. Trio Page 0,48
millionth time in the last two days until we finally start to laugh.
“Why are you laughing?” I ask, while laughing myself.
“Because I am so much work, how can you stand me?” she replies, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“No, you’re not. How are you feeling?”
“De, it’s so complicated. I’m confused. I will never love anyone the way I love Luke. When I saw him, I just wanted to run to him and forget everything else. It’s scary, ya know? I have this other life now and I’m not sure if I want to walk away from it. It’s scary needing someone so much and when they leave, it kills. It takes so much out of you just to get up in the morning and move on. I can’t go through that again. What if something happens to Luke? What if he breaks his arm and can’t play baseball and goes off the deep end again and pushes me away? I can’t risk losing him again.”
“So now you’re going to play it safe, just be content with the life you chose, be with someone that you care about… but not too much? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Well, when you put it like that, it doesn’t sound so good.”
“Ya think?” I say sarcastically. “JJ, that doesn’t make sense. Why do your what if’s have to be something bad? What if you give Luke another chance and you live the life you both planned and want. What if you’re so happy, you have lots of kids and you grow old together and what if it’s the best choice you ever made?”
“That’s a dream, but the reality is, I always seem to have a dark cloud over my head. I need time to think. I can’t just jump back in. Do you understand?”
“Forget the damn, dark cloud. Take the time that you need, and honestly, in the end, I think you are going to make the best decision for you.”
We end the conversation there for now. I can tell she is in deep thought as she gets ready for class and I get ready to head to the airport.
“Hey, did you and Mikey make plans to settle your bet?” she asks, attempting to lighten the mood. I had told her about the bet Mikey and I had made before all of the drama took place.
I laugh. “No. With everything that happened, we never had a chance to discuss it.”
“I’m sure he’s not going to let you off that easy. He’s going to collect,” she teases. “The question is what are you going to do about it when he does?”
“I’m sure he’ll forget all about it by the next time I see him.”
“We’ll see.” She winks at me.
Sooner than I would have liked, we hear the cab beeping out front of her apartment. JJ walks me out and we say our goodbyes as I climb into the back seat of the cab.
Before I close the door, she calls out to me. “De, do you think he’s back? I mean… Do you think he’s the same Luke as before? Some of his letters were really dark, not like him. He seemed so lost.”
“I do, JJ, I swear. He’s worked really hard. If I didn’t think so, I wouldn’t have agreed for him to see you. I wouldn’t put you through that,” I answer, closing the door and blowing her a kiss. I feel somewhat better as I pull away. At least I know she is rationalizing the situation.
***
(Jesse)
I walk a few extra blocks today before catching the bus to school. I’m hoping to clear my head so that I can focus in class. As I walk across the campus grounds, my phone rings. “Hello?”
“Hey, what’s up?” Mikey asks.
“Bout to walk into class,” I answer, cutting him short.
“You mad at me?”
“I know where you’re loyalty lies. It’s fine,” I answer sarcastically.
“JJ, don’t be like that… I’ve been loyal to both of you.”
“I know. I’m not mad,” I answer, letting him off the hook.
“So, what do you think?”
“Mikey, please… I’m sure you talked to him.”
“I talked to him, not you. I’m asking you.”
By now, I’ve reached my class, but instead of going in, I find a quiet spot under a palm tree and sit down, leaning against it. “I don’t know what to think. What am I supposed to do? It took me a long time to get here, to be okay without him. What if he does this to me again?”