Harold nodded. He took a sip of wine, then gazed at his glass. “I understand that. And I can well imagine what you would’ve had to say. I wasn’t especially eager to hear it. Each time the phone rang, I thought it was you and…This is not at all easy for me, Joan. To come here like this. I’ve felt…physically ill…all day.”
“I’m sorry,” she murmured.
He held up one hand as if to ward off her apology. “It’s not your fault. It’s me.” He looked at her, smiled bleakly, and returned his gaze to the glass. “I was actually twenty-five before I had my first sexual encounter. And that was a case of the girl seducing me. I had no interest in her. She was…not attractive. In fact, she was distinctly unappealing. As was every female I’ve ever dared to approach.”
“Thanks a heap,” Joan said, hoping to cheer him up.
“If you remember correctly, you approached me.”
“I did, yes.”
“And I was…instantly smitten. I could hardly believe that I was in the company of a woman who was not only exceedingly attractive but also intelligent and well-read and witty. That sort of thing had never happened to me before. I found it incomprehensible that you would even speak to me, much less…”
“I like you, Harold. I really do. I’ve enjoyed our times together.”
“Enjoy.” He made a small huff through his nose. “Such a pallid word. To me, the times we spent together were…like glimpses of paradise. Which is why I never dared to risk it all, why I never…” He shook his head.
“Put moves on me?”
“I wanted to,” he admitted, frowning at his wineglass. “You’ve no idea how much I’ve wanted to kiss you, embrace you. I’ve dreamed of—”
The jangle of the telephone stopped his voice.
Joan’s heart lurched.
Dave? It had to be Dave.
The phone rang again, again.
“Aren’t you going to answer it?” Harold asked.
“No,” she said, and rested a hand gently on his knee. The phone rang seven more times.
The silence when it stopped felt heavy and dark.
Harold began to weep. He reached out and set the wineglass on the table, then turned his face away from Joan. She rubbed his back. She could feel it hitching under her hand as he struggled to stifle his sobs.
“I know it’s over,” he said in a choked voice. “You were looking for a…a Rhett Butler, and I’m…not even an Ashley. A Prufrock, that’s what I am, nothing but a Prufrock.”
“Hey, come on. Everything’s going to be okay.”
“No. No, I don’t think so.”
“We’ll still see each other, Harold. We’ll still be friends. And really, it was never more than that. Maybe we both wanted it to be more, but it never was. So we’ll leave it that way and stop trying to make it something else.”
He sniffed. He shook his head. He wiped his eyes.
“We’ll go to the movies next week.”
“No. I couldn’t. God, I don’t want your pity.”
“Well, then, the hell with you.”
His head jerked around. His eyes were wet and red. His cheeks were shiny with tears. He looked at her eyes. He looked at her smirk. And a laugh sputtered out of him.
“Take my pity or take a leap, Gonzo.”
He laughed again.
The telephone began to ring. “This time, I’m going to get it. Take the opportunity to pull yourself together.”
He stayed on the sofa. Joan rushed into the kitchen and grabbed the telephone. “Hello?”
“Hi there. It’s me.”
“Hiya, Me,” she said, and felt a warmth come into her. “How’d it go?”
“It didn’t. I went over to her place and she wasn’t home. In fact, I went over twice. Once before supper, once after.”
“You think she’s still out playing games?”
“Wouldn’t surprise me. I’m going to drive down to the boardwalk and search around, but that’ll take a while. I just wanted to talk to you first, let you know what’s going on.”
“I was starting to get worried. Hey, how about letting me go with you?”
“I think it’d just make matters worse if we’re together, and…”
“I know. I know that. Shit.”
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah. It’s just that I miss you.”
“You miss me?”
“No, I’m sick of your face. Of course I miss you. I thought we might see each other tonight. I called you a while ago.”
“I called you too.”
“Yeah, I thought it was you. I couldn’t answer it. If you really think Gloria will freak out or something if we’re together…”
“Aah, let her. I’ll come by and get you. How about ten minutes?”