“Are you ready for my big finale?” called Maxwell the Somewhat Magnificent.
The crowd in the stands yelled and cheered.
“I’ll require a courageous and beautiful volunteer from the audience. No men need apply.” Even as arms went up, he pointed at someone in the third row. “You. I think you’ll do just fine.”
As the young woman rose from her seat and started making her way forward, men in the audience whooped and whistled their approval.
Joan said, “Oh, my God.”
“It’s Debs!” Kerry blurted, and bounced on Dave’s lap. “What’s she going to do?”
“Watch and find out,” Dave told her.
“Doesn’t Steve get to go up too?”
“Boyfriends probably get in Maxwell’s way,” Dave said.
“But he’s all alone.”
“They wanted to sit by themselves,” Joan explained to the four-year-old.
“Can’t imagine why,” Dave said.
“’Cause you’re old farts,” Kerry said.
Dave gently cuffed the side of her head. “Watch your language, young lady.”
She laughed.
Then laughter erupted from the crowd as Maxwell the Somewhat Magnificent tried to mount his unicycle, clinging to Debbie, pretending to lose his balance as the wheel rolled and twisted under him. He fell against her, hugging her, squeezing her rump through the seat of her white jeans. Finally, perched unsteadily on the high seat, he lurched away. He careened around the stage, spinning and jerking as if out of control.
At last he seemed to find a semblance of balance. He mopped his brow with a red bandanna.
Debbie turned to leave, but he said, “Wait, wait! You don’t get off that easy!”
Maxwell’s assistant appeared with three flaming torches. He gave one of them to Debbie.
“Dear thing,” Maxwell said, “she’s carrying a torch for me.”
He kept up the banter, telling Debbie, “You really light my fire,” making nervous queries about her throwing arm, then instructing her to toss the torch to him. “To me, not at me. I’m gentle, but I’m not tinder.”
The audience didn’t respond to the pun, so he swept an open hand above his hair. Dave knew what the gesture meant—that the joke had gone over the heads of the crowd. He’d seen a lot of performers make the same sign during the years he’d been bringing his family to the Funland Amphitheater. He always found it annoying.
It didn’t go over our heads, he wanted to yell. It just wasn’t funny.
Debbie tossed each of the three torches to Maxwell the Somewhat Magnificent. The third went high. Maxwell swept backward on his unicycle and made a catch that Dave considered Truly Magnificent.
While he juggled the torches, he thanked Debbie and suggested that she meet him after the show to help him “put the fires out.”
Her long blond hair flew from side to side as she shook her head. Still shaking her head, she turned around and waved to the cheering audience. Then she rushed down the stairs as if eager to escape Maxwell’s further remarks.
Kerry leaned sideways and tugged the sleeve of Joan’s sweatshirt. “Mommy, why don’t you go up?”
“No, thanks, honey.”
“Come on, it’d be fun.”
“I don’t think Maxwell needs another dupe just now,” Joan told her.
“What’s a dupe?”
“Somebody to poke fun at.”
“Besides,” Dave said, “Mommy’s already done it. She went onstage once with Fred the Magician. So did you, kiddo.”
“Me?”
“You were in Mommy’s tummy.”
“God, don’t remind me,” Joan said. “The worst experience of my life.”
“Were you a dope?”
“I sure felt like one, honey.”
“You’ve gotta admit,” Dave said, “the guy had an amazing assortment of bun jokes.”
“He was pregnant with quips,” Joan added.
Maxwell finished his routine, leapt from his unicycle, and bowed. Then he did an encore. Blindfolded by his assistant, he juggled the torches. He ended by dropping onto one knee, reaching under his leg, and catching the last torch before it hit the floor of the stage.
Putting his arms around Kerry, Dave clapped in front of her stomach. She grabbed his wrists and helped.
Maxwell the Somewhat Magnificent left the stage after many elaborate bows.
The lights went out. The audience fell silent. Dave heard the faint sounds of calliope music, voices, and laughter from the boardwalk. He heard the distant roar of the Hurricane.
“Is it time for Robin?” Kerry whispered.
“I imagine so,” Dave said.
“Is she going to sing ‘The Land of Purr’?”
“She promised you she would.”
“Hope she doesn’t forget.”
In the darkness, a voice boomed over the loudspeaker. “Ladies and gentlemen, the Funland Amphitheater is proud to present a very special attraction. Our next performer has just returned from her most recent engagement at the Grand Ole Opry.”