Frosting Her Christmas Cookies - Alina Jacobs Page 0,3

assume you hired them for their good looks and not for their organizational prowess,” the reindeer drawled.

I sputtered.

“He needs ice for that nasty bruise that’s already forming on his porcelain skin,” bachelorette number thirteen said to my assistants.

“A bruise?” I snarled as my assistants hurried off to find ice. “I’m pressing charges.”

The bachelorette gave me the finger, or at least what might have looked like the finger if she hadn’t been sporting giant furry hooves. Then she shuffled past me into the building.

“Hey!” I yelled at her. “We’re supposed to exchange pleasantries, and you’re supposed to fawn over me and tell me how you want me to make your Christmas Eve.”

She turned. “Christmas is already the worst holiday in the world,” she said, her raspy voice slightly muffled by the large reindeer head. “There’s no way I’d make it worse by spending it with you!”

I drew back.

“You hate Christmas? What kind of monster hates Christmas?” I demanded, hurrying after her, taking the ice pack from one of my simpering assistants and pressing it to my cheek. I ducked around the cameras as the cameramen hurried to keep up with us. “Christmas is about family and friends, children opening presents, and baking cookies. Everyone else here wants to create the perfect family Christmas card with me.” I grabbed her shoulder.

She whirled around to accost me and hit me on the other side of the face with one of the antlers.

“Ow!” I yelped.

“Christmas,” she spat as I switched the ice to the other cheek, “is just an excuse for people with sad little lives to pretend like everything is just peachy. It’s the candy cane–colored fondant veneer over dry, stale fruitcake. You know, I might have actually…not, like, fucked you but maybe gotten myself off one night thinking about you while I was drunk and horny, if only you had even shown a hint of derision toward the holiday season. Unfortunately, it seems as if you seriously believe in the magic of Christmas.”

“Of course I do,” I said stubbornly. “Christmas brought my family back together. It’s a holiday about friends and neighbors and finding the beauty in the moment. Also the snow—I love snow.”

She tossed the giant reindeer head, sending the plastic googly eyes spinning. “I’m going to go bake now,” bachelorette thirteen said. “Because unlike the rest of the people here, I am not chasing after your Christmas package.”

She walked into the studio as if she owned it—which she definitely did not. I owned this building. But I felt off-kilter.

One of the producers motioned the bachelorette to her baking station. The nameplate read Morticia DiRizzo. “Of course some crazy Christmas-hating woman is going to have that name,” I muttered under my breath. It was a bad omen on a day when I needed a good one.

A few years earlier, my hedge fund had bet big on alcohol by buying up a number of craft distilleries. Now was my big moment. My net worth was a measly two billion. But if I could make my alcohol into the must-have-item of the holidays, I could triple my net worth. I knew the product was worth it. The craft liquor was high quality, and I had a lot of product to sell. My team had been working on branding each item. My participation in this bake-off was native advertising to create buzz for the various liquors.

All the bakers would make desserts that had to feature one of my alcohol items. The recipe and videos would be posted online; I had a whole social media integration strategy. But that hinged on having, one, good bakers, and, two, women who were bubbly, pretty, and worked well on camera.

Morticia was not one of those women.

“Welcome to The Great Christmas Bake-Off, season three,” Anastasia, the host, announced when Gunnar gave her the signal. “If you love Christmas and baking, you’re in the right place. Same as last year, our esteemed judges, Anu and Nick, are back! Anu Pillai is a chocolatier and baker from L’il Masa bakery in NoLiTa. Then we have Nick Mazur, a pastry chef and restaurant owner with businesses all over the New York area.”

The judges smiled for the cameras.

“In addition to baking, we have a bit of a twist. In each of the last two seasons, one of our contestants has gone on to fall in love with one of the Frost brothers, who were judging. This year, we wanted to make it an equal opportunity! What’s better than dessert with a side of