a few times, but he’d never...” I shrugged. “He never asked me to. A few boyfriends before him had wanted to, but I’d said I didn’t want to. My first anal was during my initiation weekend, so yeah, I screamed and cried whenever someone took me there because I was so fucking sore and raw and...”
I couldn’t look at him anymore. I stared at my plate to tell him the rest. “Yet, unless it was one of the really big guys, I kept having orgasms despite the pain. I went home and changed after that weekend, spent the night as a cat and was about two hours late getting to the jobsite the next morning. I didn’t go back to the clubhouse until Wednesday night. Squatch bent me over and took my ass first thing, then Clean, and by the time Dementor wanted me, I was so damned sore, and he was so fucking rough. He pulled out of me and spanked me with his hand while he told me to stop screaming like a fucking banshee, and I guess the name stuck. It was the first time I’d been spanked since I was a child, and it...” I couldn’t say the rest.
“It turned you on?”
I stared at my plate and nodded. “I didn’t know what was wrong with me.”
“Nothing’s wrong with you. It’s completely normal. Why did you agree to anal sex and being spanked? I’ve watched the video they did before your initiation weekend.”
What did he see in the micro-expressions? I’d been so nervous that day, I figured they’d scent my fear and wouldn’t be able to tell when I wasn’t being completely honest. Would Frost’s visual cues act the same? I didn’t know.
“I filed for divorce a few months before the battle. It came through a couple of days before the worst of the fighting, but Gil still took me with him to the Pack grounds, to keep me safe. At first, I helped with the kids, and helped keep his kids from freaking out too much. When they asked for more people to go fight a week or two later, I answered the call and fought with the wolves. Then, when the battle was over, Gil seemed to think we were going to get back together. I had sex with him and it wasn’t...” I sighed. “It wasn’t the same. It didn’t do anything for me. I’d moved out of the house and into an apartment when I filed for divorce. I didn’t want to uproot the kids from the house, so I’d left, instead of asking him to move out.”
He looked interested, but I worried I was talking too much about my ex. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to talk about him, but it’s the only way to answer your questions.”
“You’re fine. Keep going.”
“I bought my house, ripped out walls and floors, and hired people to put them back in. I bought new furniture. It has seven bedrooms, so I let the kids each decorate their own room – gave them a budget to keep inside of and spent a weekend with each one, ordering and buying stuff.” I blew out a breath. “And then Gil bought the house next door. We run the business together without any major issues, and we’re still doing a good job with the kids. I don’t have official visitation, but he lets them come when they want, assuming they aren’t in trouble. I won’t let them use my house to get out of consequences. We’re on the same page, usually, when it comes to discipline. Having him close makes it easier on the kids, but it bothered me, at first. I needed to, I don’t know, make the break between us bigger? So I started spending weekend nights at the clubhouse, and sometimes weeknights, if I wasn’t terribly tired. I’d come home from the clubhouse and change, to try to cut down on how much sex the kids smelled on me, but Nora’s smart. She knew more than I realized.”
“So why did you agree to everything on the entry video?”
That damned video. The MC covers themselves in much the same way the porn industry does when they film BDSM flicks. Before you can be a sweetbutt, you have to go on camera and state everything you know will be done to you, and how much you’re looking forward to it. You have to say all your holes will be available for anyone wearing a cut, or anyone they tell