my arm, then ducks away. He’s walking, but I feel like he’s running away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Hey there. I have something to ask you.
I’m lying diagonally across my bed, with my legs dangling over the edge, listening to a new playlist I made.
It’s the first time in days that Jason has messaged me.
I feel like he was waiting for me to message him.
And I wanted to. Obviously. But another part of me felt like he was being pretty unfair. He tried to trick me once. I think it’s fair for me to not completely trust him. I still get how he feels, but I can’t just make myself trust someone. Especially someone who has tried to trick me once before.
Then again, I do see his point. He doesn’t really know me, and I don’t really know him. Until we’re open with each other, we aren’t even that close. I know we have a lot in common, but it’s all more superficial things.
It’s enough to be friends, but if we want to go further than that, which I guess is the whole point of dating, then we need to go further.
It’s Monday night, and I’ve been avoiding all the homework I should be doing by listening to music. Mostly I’m listening to slightly sad songs, because I’m pretty sure Jason and I are going down in flames. And I don’t know how to stop it. I just can’t see myself being comfortable telling him about my family, and until I can, we can’t progress.
Still, every time I hear a song I really like, I want to message him about it. Like, I want him to know about the song “For Reasons Unknown,” which makes me think of the drive Luke took me on when he first got his car, where we drove by the beach and he played it way too loud. We sung along, and it was, like, a perfect night. That was before Luke got so into the family stuff.
Would it be so bad to tell him?
I want Jason to know these things about me.
I just don’t want to be stupid.
I type out a response:
What’s up?
Not much. I’ve just been thinking …
Oh yeah? About what?
The family thing. You’re right, I’ve been too intense. I’m really sorry, and I’m going to take a step back. I was out of line.
You’re totally fine, man. I get it. I’m sorry I’m so closed off.
No, don’t be! I know I need to prove to you I’m trustworthy. So I have this idea. How would you feel about getting out of the city for a weekend?
What do you mean?
I think you and I should go on a trip, just for a weekend. Thoughts?
I mean, I would love that.
I can’t, though. Dad would never let me.
What do you mean?
I was hoping you’d be a little more enthusiastic. I’ve already booked tickets. There was this deal I found, and I impulse bought them. My mom booked the hotel room for me, she thinks I’m going with Bri and Naomi.
You what???
Yeah man. You, me, and LA. This weekend. You in?
My mouth is hanging open.
I can’t let myself entertain this idea, though.
That’s really nice, but I’d never be allowed to go. Thanks though. You have no idea how fun that sounds to me.
Then find a way, man! I booked us this hotel:
He sends through a bunch of photos. It’s the Four Seasons.
So really nice.
Just think about it. We could see the actual Mulholland Drive! Plus, you, me, and this room. With total privacy. Think about it.
Is he implying what I think he is?
I read his message again and decide that, yeah, he totally is. I feel like any hotel room would do for that. I don’t know why we’d need to go to LA for that, other than it’s my favorite city. And it’d put a bunch of actual distance between us and our families.
That sounds so nice.
And think about it I do. I imagine Jason kissing me like he did at the baseball stadium, just, in a room.
We wouldn’t need to stop.
We could do whatever we wanted.
Where’d you get the money for this?
I work for my uncle as a mover, remember? I have cash to burn, and seriously, the flights were really cheap.
This is so much.
It’s, like, incredibly nice.
And I can’t stop thinking about what we’d do in a room together.
And you promise not to ask about my family when we’re away?
I promise. If you ever decide you want to open up to me, then I would love that.