“Maybe, I dunno. Like I said, it’s just a pipe dream, it’s never going to happen. I’m going to be here forever, with my family.”
“Do you want to talk more about that?”
“Dude, no.”
“What?”
“I told you, I don’t want to talk about my family.”
“This is a date, though, yeah? How come it’s off-limits?”
I chew my lip.
“Oh,” he says, his face falling. “You don’t fully trust me, do you?”
I try to decide how to answer. “Do you want me to be honest?”
“Always.”
“Okay. It’s like … I really like you. And I always have so much fun hanging out with you. But there’s always this part of me that thinks the scheme might still be in place. So if I talk to you about my family…”
“I’ll tell it to my family.”
“Exactly.”
“Well, that’s going to make dating pretty hard if I can’t even ask you about real stuff.”
“Yeah. I guess it will. I just don’t feel comfortable.”
He stares at the table. I think I might’ve hurt his feelings.
Which I get. I’m basically telling him I don’t trust him. Which I don’t, at least not completely. But still. I do really care about him. And maybe I’m just being a coward. He hurt me once, by being a part of the scheme in the first place. He came clean, though. How long do I need to be distrustful of him?
A middle-aged waitress in a white shirt under red suspenders appears by our table. There are huge dark circles under her eyes, like she’s been working nonstop for hours. She lifts her tablet and stares at us blankly.
“You ready?” she asks.
“Yeah, um, I’m going to go for a double cheeseburger with bacon, and a chocolate shake,” says Jason. “I’m bulking. And a plate of waffle fries for both of us. Thanks.”
“I’ll have what he’s having,” I say. “I’m not bulking; it just sounds good.”
“Great.”
She takes our menus, then walks off to the register. Jason rests his hands on the table.
“So, my turn,” he says. “Here’s my question: Which musician do you never get sick of? Like who’s your favorite?”
I guess we’re just going to ignore what I said before. That suits me really well.
“The Killers. I like Sam’s Town best.”
“Oh, right, you told me that. Sorry.”
“Oh, no worries. Anyway, um, do you like them?”
“To be honest, I only really know ‘Mr. Brightside,’ and that one about being human or a dancer or something. What do you like about them so much?”
“I dunno. I love them, they just click with me, they have ever since I first listened to them. I think maybe it’s because I have this weird love of small-town Americana, and Sam’s Town kind of sounds like that.”
“Oh, nice.”
Silence falls. I shift in my seat.
“Have you decided what your favorite band is yet?” I ask.
“Maybe? I’ve been thinking about it, and I really like Marshmello. I saw him at a festival Bri dragged me to, and that was fun, and I do work out to him. I listen to him the most, so he’s probably my number one right now.”
I open the notes app on my phone.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“Writing a note about him, so I don’t forget. I only know his big songs.”
“Nice. I can message you his best songs, if you want. And you can do the same for me with the Killers.”
“Yes, please!”
“Cool.” He runs his fingers along the edge of his menu.
The silence gets awkward.
Is this going badly? It feels a little like it is. I get the impression he’s still pretty put out that I don’t trust him. It makes talking about music and things seem silly and pointless.
I never thought I’d think that.
We chat for a while, keeping it light, and soon, the server returns and places two delicious-looking cheeseburgers, along with a plate of waffle fries, down in front of us. I lift my burger and take a bite. It’s so good.
We eat in silence for a few minutes.
“Okay,” says Jason. “What’s going on?”
I lower my burger. “What do you mean?”
“You seem like you’re in your head, even more than normal. Are you not happy this is a date?”
“What? No, not at all. I mean, I’m very happy this is a date. Are you happy this is a date?”
“Yeah, I guess. It’s just not what I thought it’d be.”
I wipe my mouth. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you don’t trust me; I didn’t realize that. I’ll be honest, that hurts.”
I could lie. But it’s Jason. He’s the one guy I’m supposed to be totally honest