“I really do love your room,” he says. “It feels like, yours, you know?”
I lean back against my chair. “Yours doesn’t?”
“Nope.”
“Why?”
“Can’t say. It’s a family thing.”
“Oh, right.”
That kind of lingers between us. I get the idea he wants to change the subject pretty badly. For the first time since he got here, he looks uncomfortable.
“Did you want to play some Smash Bros.?” I ask.
“Dude, yes! I love Smash Bros.!”
“Me too.”
We walk back to the living room and sit down on the couch. He sits fairly close to me. Not close enough to touch, but still. I grab the remote from the coffee table and turn on the TV. I feel very aware of the space I’m taking up, and the space between us.
He seems to like getting close to me.
I’m not complaining, but I wish I knew why he was doing it. If he’s gay, it’d make sense. But if he’s straight and just messing with me … I’d hate it.
Jason bounces up and down. I watch him.
“What?” he says. “It’s really comfy.”
“Okay.”
I glance at the front door. I’m kind of freaking out that we could get walked in on at any second by Dad or Luke. And then I’ll have to explain why I didn’t just say I was having a friend over.
And why we’re sitting so close together.
I think my lying will make them think I’m keeping a secret about Jason.
I don’t know if it’ll make them think I’m gay.
But it might. Because, seriously, he’s so close to me right now.
And I’m not stupid. Something is going on here. Right? Or maybe I just really want that to be the case. Ugh. I just wish I knew what he wants.
I load the game and hand him a controller. Our hands touch. It feels deliberate.
But it can’t be. If Jason is gay, there’s no way he’d be into me. He’d be into someone cool … not a guy he found freaking out in a bathroom in an ill-fitting suit. He’d be into someone, like him, who’d charge into the water, not someone who has to google shark attacks before going in. He’d like someone bold and cool. So not me.
The game starts, and we both go to select the same character: Pokémon Trainer.
“Are they your favorite?” he asks.
“Yeah. Yours too?”
“Yep. I can be Lucario, though, I love him almost as much.”
It’s kind of a deep cut, when it comes to Super Smash Bros. and Pokémon. I love that. He switches to Lucario.
And then we fight.
* * *
It takes about an hour for the nerves to completely settle.
Together, Jason and I have demolished an entire pepperoni pizza and two loaves of garlic bread. We also each had a can of Coke Zero Sugar, which I found out he likes as much as I do.
I’ve lost every single match. He’s way too good at this game.
And I don’t even care.
I feel full, and happy, and like I’ve settled into a comfortable groove with him. Like we’ve been friends for ages and we’re just hanging out.
I’ve wanted something like this for so long. An actual friend.
Right now, we’re selecting our characters. For the first time, I pick Link.
“Oh, nice,” he says. “I love Link. I had the biggest crush on him when I was a kid.”
HOLD UP.
“Um,” I say.
“Er, yeah, I’m not exactly straight. Surprise!”
WOW.
“Oh, um, cool,” I say.
“That’s all you have to say?”
“I mean, yeah. I think it’s cool. But, wait, how exactly do you identify?”
His eyes widen a little. “Um, I’m only into guys, or anyone who presents as male. So I usually go by gay, if I have to label myself. I don’t really like doing that, though. It feels weird.”
I focus on the TV. I’m shaking. I lower my controller so he doesn’t notice.
“That’s awesome,” I say. “It’s not a big thing for me; I literally don’t think of you any different, by the way. But thanks for telling me.”
“No problem,” he says. “I just thought you should know. I’ve been trying to bring it up this whole time, actually.”
“Really? Why?”
“Let’s just say … I wanted you to know.”
I don’t know what to say to that. I think he’s flirting with me.
So now I have a hot gay dude sitting next to me. And he’s looking at me like he’s expecting me to tell him about myself.
Or maybe kiss him.
I have so many questions that I can’t ask. Does he know about