French Wanker - Victoria Pinder Page 0,31
as she did. However, she didn’t know the whole story. “I wish I had your ability, Kara.”
She squeezed my shoulder. “What’s that?”
I met her brown-eyed gaze and said, “To forgive yourself.”
She laughed. “Guess that’s what I learned from movies?”
I twirled her around, and she came back into my arms like we’d practiced. “I always thought American movies were cheesy until I met you.”
Her smile brightened not just her face but something inside me, too. “What about me changed that?” she asked.
“You’re refreshingly honest, Kara. I don’t know if I’ve ever met a woman as open as you.”
She shook her head like she didn’t believe me. “I’m not usually so open.”
Kara gave me more than I could say. Being with her was like I’d found a second life that I needed to be careful with. “I don’t know if I believe that.”
She cupped my cheek. “You should, Quentin. I was mortified and trying to escape what I’d done. You were good for me to meet.”
This all would end. I knew it, but I wasn’t ready to face that everything about Kara was fleeting and temporary. “Why?”
Her eyes were so clear as she stared at me. “Because you helped me let go. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this open.”
I kissed her cheek as she was shy in public, and then as the next song ended, we stopped dancing. I held her hips close to me for a second and said, “Let’s get back to dinner, and then after we can head upstairs.”
“Sounds perfect.”
I needed to get that white cotton dress off her. She was pure and innocent like that, and I needed for her to be the opposite.
Kara had given me life again, and I wasn’t about to blow it.
I held her hand and walked her to the table. “Sorry we took so long,” I told my friends.
Nigel dug into his dessert without a word. I always remembered him as the quiet type.
Simon clapped me on the back. “You’re back. That’s all that matters.”
Sitting here, the place felt empty without my brother. He’d been part of their trio, not me, and my carelessness had taken two lives.
I checked that Kara was seated, fixed my napkin on my lap, and said, “I needed to clear my head a bit.”
“No worries,” Calliope said.
I picked up my fork for the chocolate ice cream truffle. “You’re here because of Blake. We all know that, but he was my older brother. He loved you and wouldn’t want you to do anything out of guilt for him, especially come and try to clear my head.”
Kara ate her chocolate in silence, but her leg pressed against mine like she was here for me. She didn’t need to say anything.
Bridget, Simon’s pretty wife, who seemed like the mother of the quartet said, “I didn’t know your brother, but I work with a lot of doctors, Quentin. There are professional support groups to help you talk about your feelings.”
Fair. There were people to talk to if I wanted, but they didn’t know how I’d been a life-long fuckup. I lowered my fork and stared at my untouched dessert. “Yes, thank you, Bridget. Kara reminded me it might be a British thing to walk around carrying guilt on our shoulders and letting mistakes dictate our future.”
Calliope smiled at my girlfriend. “You sound smart, Kara.”
She put her fork down and shook her head. “I’m not. I’m not involved, which makes my observations easier.”
That was what Simon was talking about earlier. Distance. I shook off the thought and said, “Either way, I wanted to appease everyone here from what they believe is their duty. I’m going to retire to a quiet life, but that doesn’t mean you need to worry. My brother loved you both and wouldn’t expect what you’ve done already. He’d want you to go on and be happy in your lives.”
I then proceeded to eat my dessert and everyone else finished theirs.
Simon broke the silence. “It’s not just about Blake.”
Seriously, he didn’t want to give this up. I hadn’t anticipated that he’d turn into such a responsible guy. “It’s not?”
Simon didn’t blink. “You were important, too, and this is something you’ll regret giving up.”
Life was all about trying to let go of the past. As a boy, the best days were ones not talking about Blake. Silence meant my mother didn’t tear up and my father didn’t drink. So, we were better without ever talking about him.
Giving up medicine would be the same. No more people to disappoint and