did she? Remember when she put it on Raymond Cone and all his hair fell out?"
"Worse than that, she told me I was pregnant."
"Then that's it," Mary Lou said. "The test is wrong."
"What do you mean the test is wrong? The test isn't wrong. Johnson and Johnson doesn't make mistakes."
"Bella knows these things."
I got up off the floor and splashed water on my face. "Bella's a crackpot." Even as I said it I was mentally doing the sign of the cross.
"How far overdue are you?"
"I'm not actually overdue yet."
"Wait a minute. You can't take this test if you aren't overdue. I thought you knew that."
"What?"
"It takes time to develop the hormone. When's your period?"
"I don't know. In about a week, I guess. Are you telling me this test isn't valid?"
"That's what I'm telling you."
"Fuck!"
"I gotta go," Mary Lou said. "I told Lennie I'd bring pizza home for supper. You want to eat with us?"
"No. Thanks anyway."
After Mary Lou left I slouched in the chair in the living room and stared at the blank television screen. Taking the pregnancy test had exhausted me.
I heard a car pull up and footsteps on the pavement outside the house. It was another little Italian lady.
"I'm Joseph's Aunt Loretta," she said, handing me a foil-topped casserole. "I just heard. And don't worry, dear, these things happen. We don't talk about it, but Joseph's mother had sort of a hurry-up wedding, too, if you know what I mean."
"It's not what it seems."
"The important thing is that you eat good food. You aren't throwing up, are you?"
"Not yet."
"Don't worry about getting the dish back to me. You can give it to me at the shower."
My voice rose an octave. "The shower?"
"I gotta go," she said. "I gotta visit my neighbor in the hospital." She leaned forward and lowered her voice. "Cancer," she whispered. "Terrible. Terrible. She's rotting away. Her insides are rotted, and now she's got sores all over her body. I had a cousin once who rotted like that. She turned black and just before she died her fingers fell off."
"Eeeeeuw."
"Well," she said, "you enjoy the casserole."
I waved good-bye and carted the warm casserole off to the kitchen. I set it on the counter and banged my head against the cabinet door a couple of times. "Argh."
I lifted a corner of the foil and peeked inside. Lasagna. Smelled good. I cut a square for myself and scooped it onto a plate. I was thinking about seconds when Morelli came home.
He looked at the lasagna and sighed. "Aunt Loretta."
"Yep."
"This is out of control," he said. "This has to stop."
"I think they're planning a shower."
"Shit."
I got up and rinsed my plate, so I wouldn't be tempted to cut another wedge of lasagna. "How'd things go today?"
"Not that good."
"Want to talk about it?"
"Can't. I'm working with the Feds. It's not supposed to go public."
"You don't trust me."
He cut a slab of lasagna and joined me at the table. "Of course I trust you. It's Mary Lou I don't trust."
"I don't tell Mary Lou everything!"
"Look, it's not your fault. You're a woman, so you blab."
"That's disgusting! That's so sexist!"
He took a bite of lasagna. "I have sisters. I know women."
"You don't know all women."
Morelli considered me. "I know you."
I could feel my face get warm. "Yeah, well, we should talk about that."
He pushed back in his chair. "It's your nickel."
"I don't think I'm cut out for irresponsible sex."
He thought about that for a beat and gave an almost imperceptible nod. "We have a problem then, because I don't think I'm cut out for marriage. At least not now."
Wow. Big surprise. "I wasn't proposing marriage."
"What were you proposing?"
"I wasn't proposing anything. I guess I was just setting boundaries."
"You know, you're one of those women who drive men nuts. Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you. And it was your fault in the bakery, too."
I narrowed my eyes. "You want to explain that to me?"
Morelli smiled. "You smelled like a jelly doughnut."
"You jerk! That's what you wrote on the bathroom wall in Mario's Sub Shop. You said I was warm and sweet and good to eat. And then you went on to describe how you did it! It got back to my parents, and I was grounded for three months. You have no scruples!"
His eyes darkened. "Don't confuse me with that eighteen-year-old kid."
We glared at each other for a couple of beats, and the silence was shattered by the sound of something smashing through Morelli's living