smile, but he went into the living room and chose a seat on the sofa. She joined him.
She was the first to speak. “We must start with the truth. All of it.”
“What do you know?”
She hesitated, and the night she and the other women had confronted Dana flashed through her mind. They had told Dana everything they’d discovered, but since then, Janya had wondered if they shouldn’t have let Dana tell them instead. What additional details would they know now, if they had?
She had learned from that experience, and now she shook her head. “No, I’m sorry, but you must tell me.”
He looked cornered and thoroughly miserable. For a moment she didn’t think he would speak. Then he cleared his throat.
“When I inquired about securing a loan to develop a new project, I was asked to take a physical. It was simply a precaution. They wanted to be certain I would be around for many years to see the project to conclusion.”
Janya nodded, trying not to look either patient or impatient.
“It was a very thorough physical. The doctor asked about children. I told him we had not yet conceived. He suggested the fault…” Rishi cleared his throat again “…the fault might be mine.”
Janya had suspected this after her research, so she only nodded again and tried hard not to show emotion.
“He did a test. And it showed that my…” Now he looked humiliated and lowered his voice. “My sperm count is low.”
“That can happen,” Janya said carefully. “I have heard of that.”
“You know what a variocele is?”
She had mentioned the word. She relieved him of some of the burden. “I do now. It is a group of enlarged veins in a man’s testicles.”
He spoke mechanically, as if he had distanced himself from emotion. “They are not completely certain why this impacts fertility, but it’s clear that sometimes it does. And while surgery is not always helpful, sometimes it is. So I had surgery.”
“When did you have it?”
“Months ago. Three months.”
“And you have hidden this?”
He didn’t respond to that question. “Do you remember the night I told you we would spend together, but I came home late? I had a small complication, an infection. I went to the doctor for antibiotics after leaving work, but he sent me through the emergency room for tests, to be sure nothing worse was wrong. I was supposed to be home in time, but they did not finish until late in the evening.”
“Weeks ago,” she said. It was not a question.
“Yes.”
“You have known about this for months, then?”
“Yes. The physical was in March.”
She didn’t remember Rishi telling her he was going to a doctor, but it was possible he had, and the news had seemed so ordinary, she hadn’t wondered or worried. Rishi was in excellent health and most likely afterward he had reassured her all was well. He was young and strong.
And possibly unable to father a child.
“And now what does Dr. Peterson say?” she asked.
He glanced at her, but she saw the guilt.
“You didn’t go in yesterday, did you?” she asked.
He gave a slight shake of his head.
“Because you are afraid to find out?”
“I was very busy yesterday.”
“You are lying again.”
“No, I was very busy. But, also, I did not want to find out what he would say.”
“You would know something this soon?”
“They will take samples every three months to compare with those from before surgery.”
Janya sat back and considered everything he’d said. Finally she spoke, her voice rising against her will with every question. “And there is a reason you haven’t told me any of this? A reason I had to discover it accidentally? A reason you have let me suffer, believing you no longer wanted me because you thought I was the one who could not have a baby?”
“How could you ever believe that? That I wouldn’t want you!”
She turned, and without thinking, she shoved him hard. He was so surprised, he yelped.
“Do you ever listen to yourself?” She pushed against his chest with her palms again. “Do you?”
“Stop that.”
“I would like to shake you, Rishi Kapur. You would not leave me if I was unable to have babies? You cannot imagine how I could think such a thing? And yet you believe I would leave you? You have not made love to me for weeks because…” She narrowed her eyes. “Why not?”
“Because it was a lie! At first I told myself things would be fine, that the surgery would fix everything. But as time passed, the truth was clearer. Even