the weaknesses of the flesh, putting balm on a tortured mind, mending a shattered heart, and bringing all of it back into the Light with love. That was strength.
But the destroyed woman Jose rocked had also shown him something very deep in those sweat-tense moments. Emotional pain from being betrayed, the way that ripped through a woman's soul, shredded it, courier delivered it right to Hell's doorstep, then tipped it over the edge of the abyss and let it plummet with a mind, a beautiful body, and a gentle heart and spirit. Life, and all the generations of potential it contained, could have splattered against the stone fireplace wall just like that. From bullshit.
The huge living room was too small. He couldn't breathe. All eyes slowly turned to him. He knew the attack was coming, the emotional lunge eminent.
"That was your brother, man," Shabazz said quietly. His expression had gone to a serene place beyond rage to contain total disbelief. "Now I understand why Damali did what she did."
Accusation glittered in all eyes. He was out. They didn't understand shit.
"How could you?" Marjorie whispered, her eyes holding so much hurt that it scored his mind and opened it.
"How could I?" Carlos shouted as the faces around him became blurry. Something fragile within him frayed and snapped. It happened so fast that it burned past his internal filter.
Everything that had happened to him ripped to the forefront of his mind. The angels' commands. His accidental fall into the Chairman's throne... and oh, did he let them see the transformation in living color. A shriek pierced his ears. He didn't know if it was Krissy's or Inez's, but he didn't care. They wanted to know why he would have done anything to get out of Nod. They wanted to know why he'd die, first, before ever being incarcerated in a foreign realm again? They wanted to know why he feared being weak and at the mercy of another more powerful entity?
He gave them Hell on the silver platter of his mind. His mind spit out the horrid slurry it contained. The Chairman's torture wall, the burning sun. Every entity on every level that he'd seen when he'd tripped into the pit. Then he let them see his prayers on the Arizona plains in Damali's backyard. Let them feel the battle to get something so terrifying out of his system and the white-knuckle- producing fear of knowing that he was a virus, an agent of destruction, a carrier of demonic possession, a disease he feared more than cancer.
He didn't care that their bodies had sunk to the floor. He didn't care that the team was breathing hard, panting through the fantastic images that not even their worst nightmares could have produced. He didn't care that Bobby vomited, or that Rider was clutching his chest. Fuck it, they wanted to know. Fuck it, they'd already judged him. Fuck it, they could walk a mile in his shoes!
"That's what happened!" Carlos shouted, his gaze a laser on each Guardian in the room. "No, it wasn't her fault. Yes, it was wrong and fucked up. Am I sorry, oh... you have no idea."
Glassy-eyed stares met him. But the only person who had not dropped to the floor was Marlene. She stood straight, not a tear in her eyes. Her arms were folded over her chest, and her voice was scary calm.
"Now that you have blown our minds and stolen our peace forever," she quietly said, "we have a better understanding of what went down."
Carlos nodded. "Good. Then we're clear."
Marlene nodded. "Clarity works both ways, darlin'. Let me show you something, all right?"
"No," Carlos said. "I don't need to see--"
"Oh, yes you do," Marlene said, her voice so slow, so deadly that he instantly raised a shield to his mind.
"Lock with me," she whispered. "Just me and you, one-on-one."
Carlos shook his head no. He'd never been afraid of any human in his life, but as he looked at Marlene, something told him she was about to mentally kick his ass. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, she smiled a tight, angry smile of knowing.
"Drop that fucking mental shield," she said, sweeping toward him at a velocity he didn't know she owned.
It freaked him out so badly that he actually raised the golden shield of Heru to keep her back, and to his complete horror, a purple arc deflected it. Marlene drew his energy into her palm and sent it crashing to the floor. Guardians started,