came to realise that he humoured me. He never sought my advice, perhaps because he was so certain of his own mind. Robert was now a gentleman of the King’s Privy Chamber and his father had granted him more estates in Norfolk. This made me happy, though less so when I discovered we were not to go there. I missed the landscape of my childhood and I missed Arthur very much too, but Robert shook his head when I bearded him in his study and begged to go home again.
‘It is more important to be at court now than buried away in the country,’ he said. ‘All the things that matter happen here.’
‘Then what are our manors for?’ I felt frustrated. ‘If not to be lived in?’
Robert laughed though I glimpsed irritation in his eyes. ‘You are such an innocent, Amy,’ he said. ‘Owning land is always about power and money.’
I could see that, but to me it was also about building a home, a place to raise the family I was still so hopeful we would have. It was about belonging. I was only just starting to learn that I needed to have a settled home, now that I felt so rootless.
‘My father wishes to increase his authority in Norfolk,’ Robert said, ‘Suffolk too. They are… unruly places, dangerous to the stability of the realm. So he grants me land and authority there to keep that danger in check.’
I was not so naïve that I did not know what he meant. There were festering resentments in the east of the country; people did not like the imposition of the new religion and held fast to older loyalties. There was always the possibility of insurrection.
‘Was that why you married me,’ I asked suddenly, ‘to buy my father’s loyalty and increase your influence?’
I wished the words unsaid as soon as they were out of my mouth. I knew Robert well enough by now to know that he admired independence of spirit and could not bear what he saw as a mawkish need for reassurance. Even so, if he had denied it immediately, all might have been well. If he had kissed me and told me fondly that I was foolish to doubt him, I would have pushed those fears back into the dark recesses of my mind. He did neither. He stood gazing out of the window for a moment and he seemed lost in thought, as though he had not heard me. Then:
‘Your father’s loyalty was never in doubt,’ he said.
He went back to his desk, picked up his pen and resumed the writing I had interrupted. I felt hot and furious. I clenched my fists by my side.
‘I shall go alone then,’ I said. ‘My mother would welcome a visit, I know. She has been ailing of late.’
‘A wife’s place is with her husband,’ Robert said, without looking up this time. ‘You will stay here at court with me.’
‘But I have nothing to do!’ I burst out. ‘I cannot be for ever at my needlework or reading…’
The quill snapped between Robert’s fingers. ‘Why are you troubling me with this, Amy?’ he said. ‘Surely after three years you can find your own amusement? Go and visit your aunt in Camberwell or—’
I did not hear what other suggestions he might have for my entertainment for I had left the room. I did not wish to be amused; I wanted to have something to do. Later though, when we supped at court with the King, and the Duke and Duchess of Northumberland, we behaved with complete composure as though nothing were amiss between us. I had learned that to dissemble one’s feelings was the aristocratic way.
The Duke, my father-in-law, was, as always, at pains to compliment me on how well I looked, reminding me that my role was as an enhancement to my husband. The Duchess drew me to her side with her usual kindness.
‘I fear you must give up Somerset Place soon and return to Ely Palace,’ she confided in me later in the evening. ‘The King is minded to send the Lady Elizabeth to live there.’
The Lady Elizabeth. It was not the first time in my married life that the Princess’s name had been mentioned but it was the first time in years that I felt such a strong prick of jealousy. Perhaps it was because Robert and I had quarrelled. Perhaps, that had made me realise how far apart we had already drifted and how his history with her