disagree with how things turned out. I was just . . . I was just pushing my brain a little too hard, I guess.”
“Ye know why we broke up,” Elliot grunted. “We don’t need to talk about it any more. Ye can’t change what happened even if ye could remember it, which ye can’t.”
It sounded so simple when he put it like that, but it was far from simple and far from being resolved. We had a lot to work through and, deep down, he knew it.
“I need to know these things, Elliot,” I countered. “I won’t hurt myself again, I’ll just listen.”
“Noah.”
“I feel like I’m a book that’s filled with blank pages . . . I need words to make me complete.”
“No.”
For a moment, I was rendered silent.
“Are you afraid that every bit of information I learn will cause me to collapse?”
“Yes.”
“So you’re gonna withhold things from me, things that I need to know?”
“Yes,” he stated, more firmly this time. “Don’t test me on this. Ye were overwhelmed and it hurt ye. I won’t be tellin’ ye a thing until you’re stronger.”
“Elliot, honesty means a lot to me. I can’t even trust my own memory because my mind is stuck in the past. This is important to me.”
“Look at me.” He moved closer. “I hurt you. I know I did, and I’ll always be sorry, Noah. I’m not here for the sole purpose of gettin’ you back. If ye tell me right now that ye want Anderson over me but still need me as your friend, I’ll be here as your friend. I’m here for you. I would never go out of me way to hurt and confuse you; I’ve learned my lesson. Can’t ye trust me, love?”
“I want to, I do, but everything is different. I need the truth about everything.” I looked at my parents. “Tell him.”
“We agree with him,” Dad replied, shocking me.
“But Dad—”
“I said no, Noah.”
I snapped my gaze to Elliot and was tempted to shove him.
“Who made you the boss of me?”
“You did,” he answered. “When ye told me you still love me.”
I went silent as I remembered the words I’d spoken before I kissed him, just hours ago.
“Just because I love you doesn’t mean you get to dictate everything I do.”
“I’m not tryin’ to dictate anythin’, Noah. I swear to God, I’m not tryin’ to upset you, but I’m terrified that learnin’ something too soon could kill you. So be mad at me if you want, but until the doctor says you’re healthy, we’re keepin’ our mouths shut.”
I was furious with him and with myself, because even through my anger I could see his fucking point.
“The bloody audacity!” I spluttered, feeling powerless and unheard. “Dad! Are you listening to this?”
“Yup.” He nodded, completely unbothered that I was being bossed around like a kid. “You’ll listen to Elliot more than you will us.”
My jaw dropped. “That’s not true, Dad.”
I looked between the three faces I had always loved and admired, and I felt like they were caging me in with their decisions. They barely took my feelings into consideration about what was best for me, and it made me feel helpless. I found myself wanting Anderson here to be in my corner. He seemed to be the only person who was willing to tell me about my life, even if it was only snippets.
“Mum asked you to wait until she was here to bathe, yet you got this one” – he jabbed his thumb at Elliot – “in that room half-naked with you in no time. His word is law until you’re better.”
Horrified, I looked at Elliot.
“You told my parents about what happened in the bathroom?”
“I was scared.” He locked his hands behind his head and avoided everyone’s eyes but mine. “Once I started talkin’, everythin’ that happened spilled out. I couldn’t stop meself.”
I lifted my hands to my face and groaned. “You’re unbelievable, Elliot.”
“Sorry.”
He was sorry, I could hear it in his voice. He actually sounded embarrassed.
“My leg hurts.” I blinked sleepily. “And I’m so poxy tired. I hate the morphine.”
“Go to sleep,” Mum prompted.
“I will when you all go home,” I challenged. “Sitting here while I’m sleeping is stupid. I’ll be out until morning now that I’ve got morphine in my system.”
My parents shared a look. They didn’t want to leave me.
“Just come here earlier tomorrow,” I reasoned. “I hate when you’re all stuck here with me all day doing nothing.”
Dad acquiesced. “Fine, we’ll leave and be back in the morning.”