I mentioned any of the above, my parents, Elliot and even AJ would shut me down. I was always told we’d talk later when I was stronger, when I could stay awake for longer periods, when my brain could deal with more unsettling information. I was being treated like a child, and after my conversation with Anderson I had reached my breaking point. He’d given me information the second I asked for it – he’d told me about a little bit of my past that I had forgotten without overwhelming me, and I wanted everyone else to do the same.
The time for silence had gone; it was now time for talking.
I looked to my left, found the spot empty, then looked to my right and saw him.
“Don’t you have a job, paddy?”
Elliot’s eyes darted up to mine, then he grinned as he pocketed his phone.
“I’m on . . . extended leave.”
“Why?” I frowned. “Are you okay?”
“Yup,” he answered as he leaned forward and took my hand in his, brushing his fingers over my knuckles. “I hurt my back on watch a few weeks ago. I’m on leave until I get a physical at the end of the month.”
Having no reason to doubt him, I nodded.
“Does it hurt?” I asked. “Your back?”
“Nah,” he said. “But you know my job – you have to be physically fit otherwise it can mean someone’s life.”
I was very aware of how dangerous his job was. I had always been so proud of him, but I had been terrified every time he was on shift. I was always sure I’d get a call or a senior officer would show up at my front door to give me the news that would cause my heart to stop beating.
“Hey,” Elliot murmured. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I cleared my throat. “Just remembering that your job scares me.”
Elliot didn’t have to say a word; he knew what I was talking about and he understood.
“Where’s Mum and Dad?”
“I made them go home for a few hours. They were tired but wouldn’t admit it, so I sent them packin’.”
I snorted. “’Cause you’re bossy.”
Elliot’s answer was a wink.
I shifted as I stretched. When I dropped my arms back to the bed, I smiled when Elliot retook my hand in his. Every single time I woke up, he held my hand. I think it made him feel better to know I was awake and okay. It made me feel better too, but every time he touched me, I wondered what had happened between us that would have caused me to no longer want his touch. It was a constant reminder that the person I was had not chosen Elliot to be my forever person, and each time I realised this it made my stomach churn.
“I’m bored,” I said to him. “I think I have the beginnings of cabin fever; this room looks the same as my room in ICU.”
Elliot snickered. “D’ye wanna play a game on me phone?”
“What am I? Five?” I rolled my eyes, then after a few seconds I grumbled, “What games d’you have?”
He laughed again as he took out his phone and gave it to me. It was the first time I’d looked at it closely and it was one that I’d never seen before.
“What the heck is this?” I said, turning it over in my hands. “Is that three cameras?”
“It’s the new iPhone,” Elliot explained as he scratched his neck. “There’s been a bunch of upgrades since you last remember havin’ one.”
I blinked. “It’s fucking huge.”
“Tell me about it. Ye get used to it though.”
“I don’t have a phone, or at least not with me.”
“I’ll get ye a new one.”
I arched an eyebrow. “I can buy my own phone – or at least I think I can. I have no idea what my finances are like.” I paused. “Where do I live if not with you?”
Elliot leaned back in his chair. “With him.”
His mood changed like a switch had been flipped.
“You don’t like Anderson, d’you?”
“No, Noah. I don’t.”
“Because of me?”
He nodded and my belly erupted with butterflies.
“Are you . . . are you jealous of him, Elliot?”
He ground his jaw. “Yeah, I am.”
I raised my eyebrow but he said nothing else on the matter; he changed the subject instead.
“Did ye have Instagram when ye were twenty-four?”
“Obviously, but I hardly used it. I had nothing interesting to take pictures of.”
“The majority of people use it now,” Elliot assured me. “How else would people survive without takin’ pictures of their meals or lettin’ everyone