“Tryin’ to find an escape is all,” I answered with a sad smile. “I just dunno what to do. I know everyone says time heals the pain when you lose someone ye love so it’s not as body-consumin’, but I dunno how to get to a place where I can think of Bailey and still be able to breathe. It’s my fault. If I was quicker about gettin’ Noah out of the car, I could’ve saved her.”
“Elliot.” Mr Ainsley locked eyes with me as Mrs Ainsley took my free hand in hers. “Do not do this to yourself. You did what your whole crew thought was impossible: you got Noah out of the car before it exploded. You risked your life and went against orders to save my child. It breaks my heart that we lost Bailey, but that’s not your fault. It was an accident, Bailey just lost control of the car on a patch of black ice. She died on impact – even if you’d got her out of the car, she still wouldn’t be here, son.”
A huge part of my brain told me that Mr Ainsley was right, but then I thought of the voicemail Noah had left me.
“Ye heard the voicemail though, they were scared of somethin’. Noah was frantic.”
“Unless Noah gets her memory back, we’ll never know.” Mrs Ainsley patted my hand. “There’s nothing to indicate it was anything other than an accident – you read the police report.”
“I know.”
I had read the report multiple times and revisited the scene five days in a row, and everything pointed to Bailey losing control of the car. I’d seen hundreds of accidents like it before, but something about the whole situation didn’t sit right with me . . . and it was all because of the voicemail that Noah had left me.
She had said the words “to kill” in her message, and she’d screamed for Bailey to slow down and shouted that she was driving too fast multiple times. There were so many unanswered questions. Why was my sister with Noah in the first place? They had been close once upon a time, like sisters, but that had changed after Noah and I broke up, so them being together was a red flag.
Why was Bailey driving so fast in the middle of a blackout while black ice covered the roads? She wouldn’t have unless someone had given her reason to. She wasn’t a reckless driver – she was cautious. It was entirely out of character for my sister; she was never in trouble with anyone other than me. Part of me thought Bailey had been helping Noah in some way, I just didn’t know what way that was.
Maybe I was grasping at straws, trying to find a reason as to why my sister died. I had to remind myself that there was no reason – if there even was one – that was good enough for my sister to be buried six feet under the ground.
Not a single one.
“I don’t want it to have just been an accident, because then I have no one to blame.”
“Son.” The hand squeezed mine. “You’re grieving and you have anger that Bailey was taken from us, and you’re trying to find a reason to put the blame on something – someone – to vent that anger. It was an accident.”
I exhaled a deep breath. “Maybe you’re right . . . me mind is just goin’ back to the voicemail and then the dials in me head turn and I think of all sorts.”
“That’s expected,” Mrs Ainsley said. “I’d be worried if you just accepted everything and got on with your life, Elliot. It’s normal for you to want to find a reason as to why everything has happened. You’re looking for closure.”
Closure? So soon after my sister died? I wasn’t sure if I agreed with Mrs Ainsley or not. My mind was too messed up to straighten anything out long enough for me to form a coherent thought in regards to the whole situation. Adding Noah and her memory loss to the list was just another ripple in an already unsettled pond.
“I can’t help Bailey now,” I said, rubbing my thumb over Noah’s knuckles. “But I can help Noah, and I promise the both of you that I will do anythin’ I can to help get her through this.”
“We know you will,” Mr Ainsley said with a reassuring smile. “Anderson will be an issue. It’s terrible of