a message through the Underground, begging me to come back to Eden City. I refused, and now it’s too late.” She bursts into fresh tears.
“Oh, Angela. Surely she understood you couldn’t go back. Isn’t FuMA looking for you?”
“No,” she sobs. “No one’s after me. My memory’s not criminal. It was entirely my decision to come here. And I’ll never go back, even for a visit.”
“How come?”
She pulls back. I can’t see her face in the dark, but the dampness of her tears makes my shirt stick to my shoulders. “You know as well as I do. Those of us running from our memories live in perpetual fear of tomorrow.”
No wonder my words fell flat. What are empty reassurances in a world where you can see concrete images of the future?
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask.
She sighs, and the breath of air flutters against my skin. Her hands grope for mine, and it’s a jolt when her icy fingers wrap around my arm.
“I’m going to have a baby girl,” she says in a low voice. “In the future, I have the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen. Hair as soft as spider silk, eyes the color of the sky at midnight. And when she coos at you, you feel as if you would go to the ends of the earth to keep her safe.”
My nails sink into my calves. Oh, Fates. Please, don’t let anything happen to that little girl.
For a long moment, all I hear is the thundering of my heart, and then Angela speaks again. “In my memory, we were picnicking on a cliff by the river. One of the ComA-sanctioned ones, with the black metal railing along the edge. I turned away for one second, I swear. Just one little second to mop up the juice she spilled on my shirt. When I looked up, my baby’s all the way over by the railing. I didn’t even know she could crawl that fast. I started running toward her, yelling her name. She looked at me once, those beautiful black eyes searing into mine, and then she slipped under the railing. And crawled right off the cliff.”
My heart skitters. Angela’s eyes swim in my memory, so clear I can see thousands of tiny fractures in their depths. I blink, and all of a sudden, overlaid over the image, are the round, innocent eyes of her unborn child.
“Oh, Angela,” I choke out.
“And that’s why I couldn’t go home to my mother. As much as I love my family, my number one priority is to make sure my memory doesn’t happen. There are some things you can live with. And some things you can’t.” Her voice is stronger now, as if her convictions have cleared her conscience. “As unbearable as it’s been to live with this memory, I know I won’t survive a future where it actually comes true.”
“But surely you could return for a short visit?” I ask. “Maybe you can go to the ceremonial burning. See your family. Say your good-byes.”
“No.” Her hair swishes against my face, as if she’s shaking her head forcefully. “The pull of Fate is strong. I’ve seen it happen again and again. As soon as you step within her reach, Fate will find a way to make you live your future. The only answer is to run as far as you can, and never look back.”
I want to argue with her. But I can’t. Because I saw Fate at work, in front of my very eyes. I thought going to detainment would be safe, but Fate found a way to twist the situation. If Logan hadn’t rescued me, sooner or later Fate would have won.
“You can’t straddle both worlds, Callie. You need to make a decision. Is the prevention of your memory paramount, or isn’t it?” Her hand finds mine and grips it. “And if the answer is yes, you must never return to civilization again.”
Later that night, I toss and turn on the woven mat on Angela’s floor. She’s layered moss, grass, and leaves underneath and given me a buckskin blanket. It’s by far the most comfortable bed I’ve had since I was arrested, but the moon casts weird shadows through the hole in the roof. Plus, I can’t quite forget that I’m lying underneath the skin of a dead animal.
I sit and pull my knees to my chest. After crying a few more minutes, Angela pulled herself together and gave me a stick to chew on. She showed me how