Forever by Your Side (Willamette Brides #3) - Tracie Peterson Page 0,35
a good thing, and in time, I believe they will see it that way too.”
“I hope so. I don’t want to cause more suffering. These people have already known far too much. Every day I pray that I might live long enough to see them set free to live among us as equals. I know that’s a big prayer, but like you always told me, we serve a God that is bigger than any problem we might bring Him.”
Her father laughed and hugged her close. “Indeed, we do, and don’t you ever forget it.”
“I won’t, Papa. I promise.” She cherished his embrace and remembered times when she was younger that he had held her like this. “I’ve missed you and Mama so much. I tried not to think about it while I was gone, but now that I’m here, I don’t ever want to leave again.”
“But you will. Not only when the job takes you to other reservations, but one day you’ll marry and have a family of your own. I doubt your husband will want to live with his wife’s family.”
Connie knew he was right, but then Clint came to mind. “He might if he was already acquainted with them and worked alongside them.”
“Are you talking about Clint?” her father asked. “Are you still in love with him, as you thought when you were fifteen?” His voice betrayed his concern.
“I don’t know. I don’t think so, but I’m not sure. My thoughts are all wrapped around this place and what it represents for me. Clint’s a part of that, and I think he might be interested in me now.”
Her father stopped walking and turned her to face him. “Connie, I think Clint is a good man. He has given a big part of himself to seeing this place made better, and I know his family is strongly supportive of a better life for the Indians. But don’t try to make something out of nothing. I wouldn’t want you to settle for someone just because you thought it would allow you to remain close to your mother and me.”
Connie hadn’t considered that she might be trying to conjure up feelings for Clint for such a purpose. In fact, she’d tried her best not to have any feelings at all for him. At least she’d thought she felt nothing for him. But there were times when he came to mind, and she wondered. Oh, it was all so confusing.
“I want you to know real and deep love like your mother and I have known. Nothing is worse than trying to make a romance work where the love isn’t true. Pray about your feelings, Connie. God will show you the way.”
“I will, Papa. I promise. I honestly don’t know what I feel about anything. I put the past aside, and my girlish feelings went with it. At least I thought as much. I’ve spent seven years trying not to have any thoughts or feelings about Clint Singleton, and I suppose now, being here face-to-face, I can’t ignore that I once cared deeply for him. But as everyone points out, I was just a child.”
“Don’t judge yourself too harshly. The feelings of a child are felt just as strongly. However, tempered by adult judgment and reason, you may well find that such feelings prove false.”
Connie thought of Tom and the guilt she bore. “Papa, can I ask you about something else?”
“You know you can. What is it?”
“It’s about Tom.” She lowered her head. “I feel guilty for not working harder to teach him about God.”
“What do you mean, exactly?”
She sighed. “Tom and I used to have talks all the time about God when I first arrived in Washington, DC. I enjoyed our debates and was confident I would change his mind, but instead I found myself . . . confused and at times very nearly persuaded of his thinking. It scared me so much to realize my faith was more closely tied to you and Mama than to God. I wasn’t as strong as I thought. I had to stop talking to Tom about God, because I was afraid that I might be tempted to stop believing in God as he had.”
She bit her lower lip for a moment, then continued. “We talked about everything else, but when it came to matters of faith, I avoided any conversation. I sought to strengthen my own walk with God. I talked to Uncle Dean about what I could do, and he suggested reading the Scriptures