Mortification came crashing through her with the power of a hurricane gale. “Who said I wanted to kiss you?”
She retreated a step, anxious to put as much distance between herself and Mr. Cushman as possible. In her haste, she tripped over the blanket that had come loose and fallen to the floor behind her. Only his steady hold on her arm kept her from sprawling like an utter fool.
Hurriedly, she righted herself and jerked away from him, all the while giving him a withering glare and praying he wouldn’t see her embarrassment. After all, she’d practically thrown herself on him and had all but begged for a kiss.
“You’re just my bodyguard.” She said the first thing that came to her mind. “Of course I have no thought of kissing you. Why would I?” She inwardly winced at the hurtfulness of her words, but she was desperate to scramble out of the awful hole she’d fallen into.
“Good.” He pulled himself to his full height. His features were hard and businesslike.
“Maybe you’re the one with the problem of self-control. Not me.”
He didn’t deny her accusation, and she took a small measure of satisfaction in it.
“In fact”—she couldn’t stop herself—“maybe if you’re having trouble controlling your desires around women, you should consider whether you’re in the right profession.”
He pressed his lips together, clearly wanting to say something in his defense but denying himself.
She bent down and retrieved her blanket, trying to hide her trembling fingers. She wrapped the soft cover around her shoulders, and then, without another word, she crossed the sitting room into her bedchamber and closed the door.
Only then did she crumple into a heap on the floor. A sob burned in her throat. “Oh, God.” She cupped a hand over her mouth. “What have I done?”
Chapter 6
Tom checked the new carriage for the eighth time, noting the solidness of the wheels, the fact that every bolt was tight, the interior free of any hazardous objects. The coachman waited on his seat, attired in the new white suit the Cole’s had purchased for him. The horses had been brushed earlier so their white coats glimmered in the morning sunlight and matched the white of the carriage.
“Five minutes until departure,” Tom said. If Victoria didn’t make an appearance in the next two minutes, he’d have to go back in and retrieve her.
Davis gave a shaky laugh and repositioned his white top hat. “I feel like I’m driving a princess today.”
A princess indeed. Tom ducked his head underneath the carriage and pretended to examine the axle. Victoria had looked every inch the princess when he’d peeked inside a few minutes ago. In fact, she’d looked so beautiful, she’d stolen his breath away. He hadn’t been able to look her in the eyes for fear she’d see the truth there. The truth he’d been trying hard all week to hide behind brusqueness.
The truth was he’d wanted to kiss her that evening in her sitting room. His gut had twisted when he’d had to stand back and watch Nathaniel kiss her. And after Nathaniel had left, he hadn’t been able to resist belittling the kiss. He shouldn’t have. He was ashamed of himself for doing it. But at the time, a strange need had prodded him, until he teased Victoria right into his arms.
He withdrew his head from underneath the carriage, but not far enough. He bumped it against the edge, and pain pierced his skull.
Served him right. He deserved to be strung up from a tree. Shot through the heart. Tarred and feathered. And then dropped into the ocean with stones tied to his ankles.
He’d almost kissed Victoria Cole. He’d been a second away from it. Mere inches from her lips.
Only the sight of her trusting expression had stopped him. She’d trusted him over the past month to protect her, including from himself. If he’d kissed her, he would have destroyed that trust. As it was, he’d destroyed every ounce of goodwill and friendship he’d formed with her. She loathed him now. Had hardly spoken to him the rest of the week. And for good reason.
He’d been almost cruel to her. He’d had to. In order to hastily rebuild the walls between them. Sure enough, he’d only had to be an idiot for a minute before she’d erected the barricade as fast and as high as she possibly could.
Why had he allowed the carefully constructed barrier to come down between them in the first place? How had it happened?