her ring finger on her left hand as she thinks. “Oh, I know! Let’s take one of those boat tours where we get to see whales or dolphins, and let’s take a helicopter ride that flies us around the island.” She beams up at me, happiness replacing her sad features from moments ago.
“Sounds like the perfect Top Ten, babe.”
“I can’t wait. I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii.”
“Me, too,” I agree. “I’m so glad I get to go with you.” I kiss her head before standing, pulling her up with me. “Well, we leave tomorrow. We should go shopping. We have some maxi dresses and yoga pants to buy.”
She lets out a little laugh. “I have plenty of both.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Thank you though.”
“Well, what do you want to do today?”
“Can we just pack and relax? Maybe take a long nap?” she asks hesitantly.
“Do you have a headache?”
She sighs. “Yeah. Plus, I need to rest, so I can save my energy for our Hawaiian adventures.” She smiles weakly.
“Sounds good.” I kiss her on the lips. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Today has been a difficult day, and it’s not even noon. But I have a fear that, in the future, when I look back, today will be considered one of the easy days, and that’s a sobering thought.
We lie in our bed, watching the flat screen TV affixed to the wall—or more accurately, I’m watching it as Stella sleeps quietly in my arms. She has been on a mission to watch all the movies that won an Oscar for Best Picture of the Year. We started with the winner from this year and have been working our way back. We’re currently watching the winner from 1991, Dances with Wolves. It’s actually a pretty good movie. Though, not every year’s winner has been astonishing.
Stella stirs and looks up to me, a sleepy smile gracing her face. “I’m sorry. I fell asleep again.”
I kiss her on the forehead. “It’s okay. We can watch it again later. It’s a good film.”
“Yeah, I’ve actually seen this one before, but it’s been a while.”
“Do you feel better after your nap?”
“A little,” she answers softly.
“Can I get you anything? Are you thirsty?”
“No, I’m okay for now.”
She nuzzles her face against my side, and I hold her close.
“Should we plan out our Top Ten for tomorrow?” I suggest. “The snow has finally all melted, and it’s supposed to be warm. We can get out of the house if you want.”
“I don’t really think I’m up to Top Tens anymore, Jax. I’m too tired.”
“We can still have a Top Ten, Stell. Come on, name one thing you want to do.”
“Driving Miss Daisy, 1990.”
“Okay, that’s first on the list.”
“A nap or two.”
“Check and check.”
“Snuggling by the fireplace.”
“Great. I will personally turn the switch on to start it for you,” I say, which elicits a small giggle from her.
“Snuggling in bed.”
“Got it.”
“Remember those shrimp that we got from that roadside place in Hawaii? Can we find somewhere that has shrimp like that for lunch?”
“So, get takeout from every restaurant in Ann Arbor that has shrimp on the menu. Absolutely. What else?”
“Have Mom and Dad come over for a visit.”
“Do they each count as one of your Top Ten?”
“Yeah, count them as two. I’m running out of requests.”
“Okay, two more.”
“Finally, I want a warm bubble bath and a delicious cup of cappuccino.”
“Sounds like a great day, babe.”
“Every day is a great day. Every day is a blessing.” We sit in silence for a few minutes before Stella says, “Jax, are you going to be okay when I’m gone?”
I close my eyes, attempting to block out the visions that question brings. “Babe, I’ll be fine.”
“I don’t have long, Jax.”
I clear my throat. “You don’t know that.”
“No, I do. It’s almost time.” Her voice is laden with sorrow.
I take a deep breath, reining in my emotions. “We could have a lot more time left. Let’s just focus on the positive.”
“You know that seizure I had yesterday?”
I don’t answer her because, of course, I remember. How could I forget?
“Afterward, I didn’t know who you were, Jax, not for what seemed like a long time. In my head, I understood that I knew you somehow, but I couldn’t figure out how.”
“You’re always a little disoriented after a seizure.”
“No, Jax. This was different. Things are getting worse and fast. I don’t have long. I can feel it.”
I sigh. “Just…please…don’t…” I squeeze my eyes shut, begging the tears not to fall. “Let’s not talk about it. I