Well, the day has completely done a one-eighty. How one can go from cloud nine to the depths of despair in a matter of minutes is beyond me. Oh, wait…yeah, I know how. When the love of your life tells you that she is dating and fucking another man, whom she possibly loves…yep, that will do it.
I can’t believe Lily thought I was dating Stella. I feel a little guilty that I told Lily that I’d never kissed Stella. But if we are going to get technical, I haven’t. Stella kissed me, and I immediately stopped it. That is a far cry from fucking someone else.
Motherfucker!
“Fuck!” I yell. Turning, I start walking away from Lily. I can’t listen to any more right now. I’m losing my mind.
“Wait!” she calls out.
I stop and look at her one more time. Standing beneath our old oak, she regards me with an intensity so raw that it penetrates me to my core. Her chest is heaving, and her bright blues are full of tears that she’s holding back.
She is so fucking beautiful.
Moments ago, when I walked up to find her reading on a blanket under our tree, this was the last thing I’d thought would happen. I had hoped we would spend the summer together, as friends, like old times. I had envisioned sitting under the tree with her—talking for hours, laughing until our sides hurt, and filling our souls with happiness.
I can’t believe this is happening. Perhaps I was insane to think it wouldn’t. I guess I just thought she would wait. Why didn’t she?
“I gotta go. I can’t…I just can’t,” I stammer out before continuing my retreat.
I leave her standing there. I think I hear her crying. I imagine her calling out my name. Whether she actually did, I don’t know because the only thing I can hear is the pounding in my ears. It is the sound of anguish thrumming through my veins, spreading with every beat of my broken heart. An extraordinary pain, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, is coursing through my body, surging with a regret that is all consuming.
My feet swiftly carry me away from her, away from the reminder that nothing will ever be the same. I shudder, my body shaking. It’s a side effect of my heart breaking and my soul crumbling into a million tiny fragments, and I don’t know if I will ever get back those pieces.
After leaving Lily’s, I drove back to Ann Arbor. Lily was my only reason for going home. Without her, I’d rather not be there.
I’ve spent the last two weeks getting shitfaced with my roommates. I’ve briefly thought about relieving some stress by taking some of the offers thrown my way on a nightly basis. Fucking some hot chicks wouldn’t be hard. In fact, I wouldn’t even have to work for it. They are always there—these gorgeous girls who are dying to spread their legs and spend a night in bed with Jax Porter.
Why shouldn’t I?
Lily is getting it on with her boyfriend, and apparently, she has been for several months now.
What the fuck?
It doesn’t matter though. Even shitfaced, I know that screwing the brains out of some sorority chick isn’t going to solve any of my problems. It isn’t the answer.
“Dude, you need a plan,” Ben says from the other side of our couch.
Stumbling back after way too many beers, we just got home from the bar.
“I know, man.”
“First of all, you had to know this would happen. I mean, you’ve seen Lily, right? You don’t just dump a girl like that and expect her to stay single.” Ben’s words come out slurred.
“Shut up. I know. You’ve already told me this many times.”
“Oh, yeah, I have. So, plan. What’s the plan? Let’s stormbrain. Um…um…um,” he repeats as he taps his leg rhythmically. “Oh…I mean, stormbrain…no, brainstorm. Brainstorm! Yes!” he declares loudly. “That’s ideas, man.”
Despite everything, a small grin appears on my face as I listen to Ben ramble.
Jerome walks in from the kitchen. “Well, there’s only one option.”
“Hey, where did you come from?” I thought Ben and I had the apartment to ourselves tonight. And where has Jerome been? Am I so drunk that I haven’t noticed him the whole time?
“Why are you here? I thought you went home with Stacey?” Ben slurs.
“It’s Lacey. No, it’s Beth. She’s in the bedroom. So, anyway, you have one option, dude,” Jerome says to me.