only a matter of time before I could cry into the arms of my best friend.
Well my best friend…until Corey came along.
The rest of the week dragged out in an excruciating way. Corey called multiple times and whenever we talked, I came up with yet another excuse to avoid seeing him. He was getting desperate and it was killing me. But I continued to convince myself that it was easier to keep distance now, than grow even closer and have to walk away when I didn’t have the strength to.
Lucky for me, Gram was right about the Inn basically running itself. I don’t know why I bothered to come in some days to be honest. I would sit at my desk doing absolutely nothing except weep or stare off into the distance, thinking of the ticking time bomb hanging over my shoulder. Then I realized the only reason I was getting out of bed to come into the office, was my roses. They reminded me of the beauty and pure passion in my relationship with Corey and the way I so desired things to be. But Corey hadn’t fallen for the real me, because I didn’t even know who the hell that was.
Before I left New York to come here, I thought I knew myself. The strong, independent, take-no-prisoners, Danielle. Tough when it came to winning over a client and selling a product. I wasn’t self-conscious and learned to tune out the demons from my past, but here and now, they’ve all been unleashed. They hung over my shoulder, reminding me of the damaged heart and shattered soul I’ve experienced more days than not. I wasn’t meant to be loved by someone like Corey and the sooner my call from Erik came, the sooner things could return to normal. Corey deserves someone who knows his worth and who can give him the life he wants.
I’ll never be that girl—I don’t know how. A few things during the week distracted me (minimally) from my depressing thoughts. The first of which were the multiple phone calls from Gabby, filling me in with little updates about the company. Mostly though, she tried as hard as she could to get me to talk about what was hurting me so much. I was barely holding it together as it was; the second I were to tell Gabby about my Corey dilemma, I knew the tears wouldn’t stop. She let it go eventually, when I promised to tell her everything when I was back home.
Since I forfeited my apartment in the city before moving here, Gabby offered up the second bedroom she had. It was currently being used as a closet because yes—this girl had enough clothes to fill an entire guest bedroom and no—I am not over exaggerating when I say fill. At least that helped ease the transition back to the life I had been so devastated over leaving in the first place.
The second distraction was Ollie, who stopped by (usually unannounced) with some sort of junk food. How he knew I was in serious need of chocolate and ice cream—I didn’t know—but I wasn’t complaining. It wasn’t as if I wanted him around but at least I was no longer tied to him emotionally.
I did find it funny that in the beginning the thought of running into Ollie, had my heart beating like crazy. He was the one person I was sure I was always going to hurt over, which is why I opted for a physical distraction in the first place. Now it was Ollie I was using as a distraction; while the person that was supposed to represent nothing but a good time, is the one person I am most torn up about losing.
The third distraction was my mother. I hadn’t spoken with her since our visit, despite the amount of times she called my phone. I hadn’t been ready to handle her drama again but this time when she called, I caved.
“Baby girl, I have missed you!” I didn’t respond. “Listen, I’m sorry for what happened when you came to visit. I really don’t know what caused me to behave that way.”
“Drugs, mom.” I deadpanned.
“You know I’m in prison right? They don’t exactly give drugs out to inmates, Danielle.” She was trying to make the situation lighter with a joke; I wasn’t biting.
“Yes, I realize that, but the outburst was because you were having withdrawals, and took your shit out on me the way you always have.” Damn—that felt good