Floored - Karla Sorensen Page 0,92

to rest on the poufy ottoman in front of it. Maternity dressing rooms were the shit.

"Hey, we can stop. You'll just have to show up to your shower naked."

I rolled my eyes.

She started ticking off options on her judgy little, non-pregnant fingers. "The blue option was cute. It was comfortable, the color looked really good on you, and most importantly, it was machine washable."

"Only you would list that as the most important feature."

"How happy are you going to be when you stain it and have to bring your pregnant ass to the dry cleaner?"

"Wellllll, since I'll probably only wear this dress once ..."

"What about the next time you're pregnant?"

My gaze zipped to hers. "Holy shit, I never even thought about that. I might have another kid someday."

"People do it all the time," she answered gravely.

"And my kids might be like, ten years apart for all I know."

"They might be."

My eyes widened. "And I have to keep stuff for those ten years, don't I?"

Claire held her hands out in a magnanimous gesture. "You are welcome."

"I thought I was doing so good at thinking ahead too."

She walked into the dressing room and lifted my feet so she could sit on the ottoman, then lowered my feet into her lap. "You are. You looked at that apartment for a second time last week. That's really good, Lee."

"I liked it," I told her. "It had so much light, and the bedrooms were big. Only ten minutes from Logan and Paige's too."

Claire smiled. "So why the hesitation? You said that Little Cabbage was moving like crazy while you were in there."

"Is it so weird that all I can imagine is a Cabbage Patch Doll now?"

She nudged my feet. "You need a dress. Your shower is next week."

"I know." I let my head fall back against the chair. "I don't know why I'm hesitating."

"Don't you?"

"What's that tone?" I asked, without lifting my head. "You're shrinking me. You know how I feel about that."

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I'm not a shrink, but a little bit, yes."

Claire, with her infinite patience and ability to see through me like I was made of Saran Wrap, waited quietly. Truly, it was her superpower.

"The season ended today," I said. "Jude's."

She hummed.

"We've been texting a little more during the week. All friendly stuff, nothing too deep, you know. After that FaceTime last month, it was ..." I stopped, shaking my head. There were a host of things I could've said.

It was hard because seeing his face turned my heart inside out.

It was impossible because even if he'd changed some, we still had the same issues.

It broke my heart because of how much he tempted me when he looked at me like I was his entire world.

"It was difficult to move past," was what I settled on. "It was the first time we even tiptoed past our friendly truce since I came back."

"That makes sense," Claire said, smoothing a hand over the top of my foot. "How does that tie into the apartment?"

I swallowed. This part was hard for me to admit out loud. The big unanswered question that would only be answered when he and I were face-to-face again.

"What if ... what if he comes here, and I'm making all these strides to move forward, and he's moved forward too, but ... but I'm still in love with him?"

"Would that be a bad thing?"

My eyes burned with unshed tears. "Not if he loves me back, no. But what if he doesn't? You know? What if all this distance I asked for, that I insisted on, is the one thing that ends up pushing him away? And at the end of this, he's like ... fixed and happy and healthy, and I'm just"—I sniffed, trying not to choke on the words as they came up my throat—"alone."

When I could finally meet Claire's gaze, her eyes were bright with tears too. "You'll never be alone, Lee. But I also know that's not the kind of loneliness you're talking about."

"No." I wiped at my face. "I left and I don't recognize anything about my world now. So much of it is good, you know? Molly is practically engaged, and you and Bauer are stupid happy, frickin’ Finn is working ninety hours a week in his residency and he still manages to find a perfect girl, and I think, I think I still thought Jude and I would come to the end of this, and it would work