Floored - Karla Sorensen Page 0,82

but it was what I needed to change."

Isabel grinned. "Look at you, making big girl realizations."

"You do it too. The fixating thing."

Her mouth fell open. "I do not."

"Oh, please." I hooked my neck pillow over my shoulders and closed my eyes while people filed past us into their seats for the nine-hour flight to the East Coast. "You absolutely do, but that's not the point."

When she grumbled something under her breath, I ignored her.

"Remember when Claire and I were in like fifth grade, and we had to take something to school from our parents’ jobs?"

Isabel burst out laughing. "Like I could forget. You almost got suspended."

Glancing at her through tiny slits in my eyes, I tried not to smile. "I didn't almost get suspended."

"You took a poster-size picture of Paige's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover to a fifth-grade classroom. She was topless, Claire."

"And do you remember what Logan said to the principal when he came to pick me up that day?"

Isabel sighed. "Does this have a point?"

"Yes. Logan said, I hope you're not shaming my wife for what she does for a living or Lia for being proud of her for it because she's teaching an entire generation of girls that you can be beautiful and smart and sexy and respected, and none of those things cancel the other out."

Iz smiled. "Of course, he did."

"The radical and subversive celebration of the indomitable independent female spirit!" I shouted.

She widened her eyes when people turned to gawk at my outburst. "What the hell are you talking about?" she whisper-hissed.

I started laughing at her expression and couldn't stop as the flight attendants made their announcements, and the plane took off. Like when you're in church and you know whatever the thing is, it's not actually that funny, you just know you shouldn't be laughing. The entire time, Isabel was regarding me warily, like maybe she should've sat somewhere else.

When I finally got my giggles under control, I was wiping tears from the corners of my eyes.

"Yeah," Isabel drawled. "I wish Claire was here right now because you've lost your friggin’ mind, Lee."

I took a deep, cleansing breath and stared at the ceiling of the plane. "I think maybe I have too, Isabel."

She handed me a water bottle from the side of my backpack, stuffed safely underneath the seat in front of me. After I took a sip, I handed it back to her.

It took a couple more minutes for my thoughts to fully form. But when they did, I didn't feel much like laughing.

"When we get to Seattle in a hundred hours," I said quietly, "we will be greeted by a veritable army."

"True."

"But I don't think, until this week, I really ever thought through that I'd be a single mom. Independence is a pretty concept, a topic for speeches and posts and flower quotes, but the truth of truly doing something on your own is ... not always so pretty. It means long days and nights, of facing a lot of battles on your own. Yes, I will have so much help, but in the middle of the night, when I haven't slept well in weeks, I can't roll over and tell Jude to take that feeding or rock the baby to sleep because I'm exhausted." I exhaled slowly. "I can do it. And I will do it. But it's not a fun truth to face, and that's not always something I'm very good at."

Isabel hummed. "Are any of us good at that, though? I think you need to give yourself a little grace, Lee. What you're going through is really fucking tough. And it's understandable that this part—the closing of this door—is bringing up a lot."

The closing of the door. With Jude.

"I still miss him," I said quietly. "And I'm a little annoyed with myself about it."

"Be nice to my sister," Isabel insisted. "She got boinked by a hot footballer with an accent, resulting in a child that will probably be so genetically blessed that all who gaze upon it will turn into a walking happy sigh emoji."

I laughed even as I struggled not to go all weepy again. Pregnancy hormones were so weird. "You're right."

Isabel leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "I'm always right. It's my best quality."

I leaned my head on her shoulder with a smile and tried not to think about the growing ocean of space between me and Jude.

I tried not to think about what it would be like when I talked to him next.

I tried