took his hands to you. Hit you. Hurt you. And, Addy, I’m scared as fuck, because you’re leaving something out. Something big. And you have to give it to me. What else did Keith do to you in your bathroom?”
Tell me how much you want it.
I screwed my eyes closed to block out that horrible voice in my head. The sight of Keith above me.
Down.
I had to shove it down, but the problem was it was coming up fast. It was gagging me. I couldn’t breathe.
Then I wasn’t standing. I was moving. My feet hit the cold tile, then my knees didn’t, and my hair was pulled away from my face before I emptied the contents of my stomach.
You want it.
I didn’t want it. I didn’t want anything.
Ruined.
I kept my eyes closed and retched more, the whole time knowing that my life was over and it was all because of Trey.
I heard his soft murmurs but I couldn’t make out the words and I didn’t care.
He called my mom, now it was over.
My dad wouldn’t let this go.
More stress. More worry.
My mom would be left alone. My sisters without their dad, and it would all be my fault.
Poor, stupid, naïve Adalynn.
“I hate you,” I muttered and spit.
“I can live the rest of my life knowing you hate me if it means you no longer live with what’s eating you up inside.”
“I’ll never forgive you.”
“And I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t love you enough to get this out of you.”
“My dad will never be able to look at me again and I’ll hate you for that, too.”
Trey had no response to that.
And more of my dinner churned in my stomach before it came back up.
In the silence, Trey never let go of my hair, and his other hand never stopped stroking my back.
I don’t know how long I was on my knees in front of the toilet. I was too far gone in my fear. But it had to be a long time. Long enough for my mom to make calls. Long enough for her to drive to Trey’s. Long enough for my humiliation to be complete.
“Delaney, pull the wet blankets off my bed, yeah?” There was a pause, then he continued making demands. “Quinn, get me a wet washcloth. Emily, my tees are in the bottom right drawer.”
“Great,” I muttered.
“We’re gonna work this out of you.” He kissed the top of my head.
“I didn’t want it worked out.”
Then, like I was a two-year-old, Trey wiped my brow with a wet washcloth and finished with a swipe over my mouth and chin.
“Need to get you out of the bathroom.”
I felt the heat from his body move away and I sat back on my heels before I twisted to get up. When I did, my mind took me back to the last time I was on my knees in a bathroom. The memory was vicious and swift. My body revolted, my mind protested, but I couldn’t stop it from breaking free.
Tell me.
I could feel his breath on my neck, feel his teeth sink into my flesh.
Then pain.
“I’ll never tell you.”
“Fuck. Everyone out.” Then I felt strong hands on my face, holding me hostage. “Open your eyes, baby.”
“I can’t watch.”
“Watch what?”
“What he took. I can’t watch him do it. I have to keep my eyes closed.”
I heard noises. But nothing penetrated. I couldn’t watch.
“He’s not here, Addy. It’s me and you. Open your eyes and look at me.”
Shame.
Searing, hot, shame.
“He’s always here. I beat it back and keep it locked away. I told you I had to keep it deep down or I couldn’t—”
“Adalynn, open your eyes and look at me,” Trey demanded.
Slowly my lids lifted and all I could see was Trey. He was sitting on the floor, his knees bent cocked to the sides and I was between them. We were face-to-face and all I saw was him.
“He cannot hurt you.”
“It hurts every day,” I admitted. “Every day, I’m afraid.”
“He will never hurt you again, I swear it.”
“Not him. I’m afraid of my dad.”
I heard my mother gasp and I closed my eyes.
“Your—”
“You don’t know him, Trey. You don’t know what he’ll do. You don’t know how it will eat him up inside until he won’t be able to look at me.”
“Baby, that’s what you’re afraid of?”
“Yes,” I croaked. “You don’t know. It will hurt him so bad he won’t be able to love me anymore.”
“I do know that you are absolutely wrong. There is not a single thing you