Flawed Heart: House Of Obsidian - Bella Jewel Page 0,17

ended things with. What sort of fucking person am I?

I shouldn’t be here doing this.

I push up quickly, shifting to ease the erection that was starting to rise in my jeans. I shouldn’t be here doing this. Fuck. I look around for my keys, doing everything I can not to stare into those fucking perfect eyes. “I should get going,” I say to my boots. “I have practice.”

“Oh,” she says, her voice soft and hurt. “Okay.”

“I’ll call you.”

I grab my keys and walk out of her room without another word.

I’m a fucking asshole.

CHAPTER SIX

NOW – ANABELLE

My knees are pressed to my chest and I’m staring blankly at the wall in front of me. Imogen is asleep on her bed in the far corner of the room. She’s got a pink blanket clutched in her hands and she’s on her side, cover thrown over her. She looks peaceful, which is a good thing because I’m anything but. I can’t stop thinking about Max, and the way I spoke to him tonight.

I got home only an hour ago and I smiled a big fake smile at Tina and Pippa, then I slipped into my room and I’ve been sitting here ever since. I can’t think about anything, can’t function—can’t breathe properly. I hurt him tonight, I know I did, and I don’t even know why I did it. I went there to see if he was fit to be with my daughter, and instead I lost focus because I was flooded with emotion.

I don’t know how I’m going to cope, because I know the kind of man Max is. My words might have hurt, but he’s not going to give up anytime soon. He will want answers, he will want closure, and when he finds out about Imogen, he’ll want to be in her life. Like it or not, I’m going to have to find a way to deal with Max. I just don’t know how the hell I’m going to do that when I miss him so much my heart aches.

“Knock, knock.”

I look up to see my door opening. Pippa steps inside with a cup of tea in her hands.

“I thought you might like this. I saw your light on.”

“Thanks,” I croak.

She walks over and puts the cup down on my bedside table, then she sits on my bed and stares over at me. “Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

“I saw him tonight,” I whisper.

“Oh Belle, it didn’t go well then?”

“No.”

Pippa turns and tucks her legs beneath her, leaning over so she’s nice and close. “What happened?”

I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and stare at my hands. “He chased me out of the club, pinned me against the wall and tried to talk to me.”

“And you didn’t let him?”

I shake my head. “I couldn’t, Pip. I didn’t know how. He was saying he was in a bad way, and that he hadn’t stopped thinking of me, but I don’t understand how that could be so when he told me himself five years ago that he had fallen out of love with me.”

“It’s just a thought,” she says hesitantly. “But do you ever think he said that back then because he wanted you to leave him?”

“Of course he wanted me to leave,” I murmur. “He didn’t love me.”

“No, I mean because he hated who he was and thought you deserved better?”

I never thought of that.

And thinking of it makes my chest ache.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I really don’t know what happened back then. He went out one night. I know there was an accident that he saw, but he never told me what happened. He came home and he was never the same. He started drinking, gambling, and eventually he told me he didn’t love me.”

“Maybe he didn’t know what he was saying.”

I shrug. “Maybe. It still doesn’t change the fact that it’s been five years and so much has changed since then. I have a daughter; we have a daughter. He’s different; he’s not the man I fell in love with. He’s scarier, meaner, and lives a life that frightens me. I just don’t know how we’re going to make any of this work.”

“All you need to do is work enough that Immy has a good life.”

“You’re right.” I sigh. “It’s just so hard when I . . . when . . .”

“When you love him so much still?”

I meet her eyes. “Yeah.”

“That’s normal, and it’s okay to feel it. Don’t beat yourself up for it, Belle.