w-was s-s-scared. I’m sorry!” At the effort of the sentence the little voice broke off again, sobbing wildly. Relief snaked through me, releasing my chest and stomach and letting me breathe again.
Bad dream, just a bad dream.
Bad dreams were bad, but she was okay. I pictured her red curls and consciously tried to slow my breathing. “Shhh Susie,” I started. “It’s okay baby. It’s okay to have bad dreams.”
A little hiccup, then, “You said I could call. You said… y-you said anytime…”
“Of course bella, of course, of course,” I soothed her. “That’s why I gave you my special number. Any time. We’re a team, remember?”
The little voice sniffed in agreement on the other end of the line.
“And you know what?”
“W-what?” She was still stammering but the sobs were starting to recede.
“I have bad dreams too.”
“You do?” She sounded amazed at the revelation.
“Uh-huh. Sure do.”
“But you’re… you’re so brave.”
Oh man, there it was again. I thought about Missy earlier on in the evening. I seemed to have done a great job convincing everyone how tough I was. Little did they know what an absolute chicken shit I was underneath it all, really.
Three weeks.
Man, three weeks…
“Nah,” I assured Susie. “You’re the brave one. Remember how good you did that night?”
There was silence on the other end and I imagined Susie’s chubby little face scrunched in concentration. “You said I did good,” she said slowly, like remembering lines for a play. “But I just did what you told me.”
“That’s true,” I said slowly. “But y’know what? I’ve seen grown-ups go crazy at times like that. Grown-ups who couldn’t follow even the simplest thing I told them to do. You? You were super-cool. You are definitely the bravest six-year-old I have ever, ever met.”
“Really?” I could hear the smile creeping into her voice. “Pinky promise?”
I laughed, the last remnants of tension floating from my shoulders. “Absolutely, baby. Double pinky promise.”
“Sooo…” Susie seemed to be weighing up the merits of asking something. “Rania?”
“Yep?”
“What do you do? When you have your bad dreams?”
Curl up in a ball and cry like a baby into my pillow so no-one can hear me.
I decided against honesty. “Is your Mommy there?”
“Yes,” Susie said uncertainly.
“Well, bella, what I do is I jump right out of bed and go and get in with my Ma. And she gets me a hot chocolate.” I knew I was on pretty safe ground here. Susie’s Ma was just the hot chocolate-making type.
Susie was quiet again. “But Rania?”
“Yep?”
“I don’t wanna scare my Ma. She… she looks at me sometimes, then holds me real tight, like she’s scared he’s gonna come back. Like she’s scared he’s gonna light another fire…”
My breath caught in my throat at the thought of this little girl, who’d been through so much, not wanting to upset her Ma. But she needed to tell her Ma what was going on for her.
I was pretty sure Dr Phil would call that a light bulb moment.
“Well, darl’n, you know what? All your Mommy wants is to help. She wants to help make you feel better. She’s gonna worry anyway. You might as well let her make you some hot chocolate. Doing that might make her feel better.” I avoided thinking about my own Mom, trying to get me to open up, trying to get me to tell her what was wrong. Too much Dr Phil.
“Mmm.” Susie seemed to agree with this advice.
“And bella?”
“Yes, Rania?”
“You know he’s never going to come near you again, right?” I only met Susie for the first time that night, a year ago, but it mattered. It mattered to me that she felt safe. We’d been through it together, that awful thing. We’d spoken many times since I’d given her my cell number. But I hadn’t heard from her for a while. I’d thought she was getting better.
Susie sighed sweetly on the other end of the line, and I was sure I could hear a little baby-sized yawn as well. “Yeah, I know, Rania. I know you’re gonna keep us safe.”
Before I realized it, I’d arrived at the morgue, with shaky legs and my head spinning, but trying to focus on what I needed to do. Blondie. Larry. The autopsy.
I had my lock-pick set strapped to my abdomen, just in case Billy had locked the cold storage. I could feel the rough calico against my overheated skin. But I was pretty sure I wasn’t gonna need that either. Billy’s as sloppy as he is irritating.