The First Taste (Slip of the Tongue #2) - Jessica Hawkins Page 0,96

other’s. Does she still love him on some level? Do I still love Shana? Is there a chance in hell she’d go back to Reggie? The thought should wrack me with fear, send me running in the other direction. She could leave, just like Shana, and I’d be the blind fool who believed her when she said she was over her ex.

But when that realization is finished working its way through me, I’m still standing in the same spot. Somewhere along the way, she became worth it to me. The threat of pain that comes with keeping her in my life—it’s not enough to scare me away. In fact, it’s the threat of competition that stokes a fire in me. It makes me want to put up a fight.

And then, as if I’d spoken my thoughts aloud and she didn’t care for what she heard, she sniffs and turns away. “You should go. You’ll be late picking up Bell.”

I check my watch. “I still have a few minutes.”

She tucks some of her hair behind her ear and seems fascinated by something in the street. “Yes, but I should run too. It just hit me how much work I have to get done this weekend,” she says. “I should’ve done it last night, but—”

“But instead you came three times,” I say, hearing the roughness of my own voice.

She bites her lip harder than I think she means because she releases it right away. I’ve brought her back to what’s important. Us. For a moment, I think she’ll come to me. She doesn’t. “It was great,” she says stiffly. “I had a great time. I just need to . . . go.”

“Great?” I ask. “That’s all you’ve got?”

“Maybe,” she says. “So what if it is? I said it was great, I didn’t say okay or complete shit.”

I raise both eyebrows at her, noting the sudden flush of her face. “Okay, you’re mad, I get it,” I say. “I don’t get why, but—”

“I appreciate that you stuck up for me, but you’re not actually my boyfriend, Andrew. This part is ugly and hard and I’m telling you, as nicely as I can, although you’re pushing me, that I want to be alone.”

“Hold up. You just completely flipped on me.” She won’t look at me as she inches backward like a caged animal. “Why? Are you having second thoughts about getting back together with him?”

She widens her eyes, stopping in her tracks. “I would never, ever—he disgusts me.” Her face crumples. “Didn’t you hear anything I said last night?”

“Of course I heard. I heard every goddamn word,” I say, reeling. I’m raising my voice but I’ve been holding back too long, and I can’t seem to control it. “I’m disgusted. I’m outraged. But I don’t understand why you’re suddenly acting like I’m the bad guy. I just want to protect you from whatever black hole you’re standing at the edge of right now.”

“You’re being dramatic,” she says.

The accusation is so ridiculous, I laugh. “Babe, I don’t do drama. Neither do you, which is one of the many things I like about you. I see your mind spinning, though. You’re going down a path that’s not good for you. I’m just trying to bring you back.”

She presses the heels of her hands against her eyes. “I know. I know. I wasn’t expecting him to say all of that. I feel like I’m right back in the middle of it, so . . . so fucking stupid and blind and—”

“Hey.” I pull her hands from her face and hold them. “You’re not stupid. You’re not blind. You trusted him, and he manipulated and betrayed you on purpose. He knows what he’s doing.”

She looks me in the eyes. “This isn’t what you signed up for. We were supposed to spend one night together, and now you have to deal with this mess—”

“I don’t have to. I could walk away right now if I wanted. I’m not here out of obligation.”

She goes quiet, frowning. “You’re a good man.”

“Then don’t push me away. I told you I care, and I do, and I said I was your boyfriend, and you know what? It felt fucking good to say it. Because I think that moment on the sidewalk you told me you’d never be mine, in a way, you already were. I didn’t know it, but you won me over right there.”

Her hands loosen in my grip. She looks close to tears, and just like with Bell, it grabs onto