The First Taste (Slip of the Tongue #2) - Jessica Hawkins Page 0,14
happy. “I guess not, as long as you get what you need. How do I know what you want, though?”
“I’ll tell you.”
A woman who tells me outright what she wants and needs—it’s unlikely. If one existed, though, Amelia might be her.
“Don’t you do the same?” she asks. “Why shouldn’t everyone do what’s best for them?”
“Some of us have others to consider,” I say.
“And you always put them first?”
“Bell, yes. Obviously. Sadie and Nate too when I can.” Sadie’s my baby sister, and I’ve always been protective of her, especially considering we grew up with an alcoholic father who liked to pick fights. As an extension of her, and one of the few men I get along with, Nathan’s pretty much a brother to me.
“What about work?” she presses. “What about sex?”
Automatically, I think of Shana. It would be easy to say I had always put her first, but it wouldn’t be true. She made it hard. “You don’t understand” she would say, or “You never listen,” or “You don’t care about anyone but yourself.” She pushed back for no other reason than to irritate me. I may not have always understood, but I listened, and I cared. She knew it too.
I push Shana out of my mind. She and Amelia are opposites in physicality, personality, and purpose. I loved Shana. I want to fuck Amelia. That’s where my need overpowers my sense. If I could stay away from women completely, I would. I’m not fool enough to think Bell doesn’t move me around like a pawn, but that right is reserved for my little girl.
Amelia boards the elevator first. “What happens if you and I want different things?” I ask.
The elevator takes off smoothly, but she grabs a railing, steadying herself. “What? No. We have an agreement—tonight only. If you’re having second thoughts, we have to stop this right now.”
If I’d had any doubt about her intentions tonight, they’d have vanished with the look on her face. One thing remains true—the fact that she’s so composed makes her fun to mess with. I reach for the elevator’s emergency-stop button. “Right now?”
“No—” She can’t do anything. She has the dress in one hand, the key to the building in the other, plus two bags and her purse. “Are you insane? I’m talking about us. We need to stop.”
I chuckle, dropping my arm back to my side.
“This can’t ever continue past tomorrow,” she says.
My smile fades, and I deepen my voice. “I’m not talking about tomorrow. I’m talking about tonight.”
The elevator ride is calm, effortless. It doesn’t rattle or sound like it’s working hard to ascend. “I don’t understand,” she says.
I stalk toward her, and she backs up into one corner. “I’m asking what happens if we disagree tonight,” I say, licking my lips. “What if I want to fuck you one way, and you want it another?”
She sucks in a breath. Mission accomplished. There’s no rush quite like catching her off guard. Getting her up here has been easy, but part of me is looking forward to the fight I know she has in her. The elevator dings. The doors open. Neither of us moves.
“Well?” I ask.
“I guess we’ll find out.”
“I think we will,” I say, stepping aside to let her pass.
I follow her down a white hallway to her apartment. If I’m not mistaken, she’s hobbling a little bit. She runs a hand over her hair, patting it into place. When we reach the door to apartment 11D, she turns and faces me. “You sure you want to do this? You’re not going to fall in love with me?”
“I won’t if you don’t.”
She shakes her head firmly. “I won’t. I’m serious, Andrew.”
I drop my eyes to her lips. Most of her lipstick has rubbed off, and I look forward to kissing away the rest. Now that I’m this close to her, I see the perfect, smooth black lines of her eye makeup. The gunk on her lashes. Shana wore a lot of make up too, but never this neatly. Sometimes it smudged under her eyes. Sometimes she wore dark lipstick to shock people. I liked her best completely nude. I don’t want to be thinking about Shana-fucking-Lanzo right now, but this is the most turned on I’ve been since she left. Left—and never looked back.
I lean in and drop the act so Amelia knows I’m serious. “I won’t. If you have even the tiniest hope that I will, I’ll leave. I like you. I don’t want to hurt you.”