The First Taste (Slip of the Tongue #2) - Jessica Hawkins Page 0,113
say, “I don’t care if she’s Mother Teresa—when dealing with a pregnant woman, assume nothing.”
“She didn’t seem mad about it,” he points out. “Not at all.”
“That could be. But still. Don’t think you’re off the hook yet. She could strike at any time.”
“You make her sound like a rattlesnake hiding in the bushes.”
“Two words.” I hold up my fingers and count down. “Shana and hormones.”
“Ah. I see why you’d be traumatized,” he says. “So . . . she’s back, huh?”
“No. I don’t know. I’m hoping if I ignore her long enough, she’ll go away.”
He shakes his head. “Sorry, man. Wish I could say it’s a surprise, but you never know with her. Is that why you’re putting the brakes on with Amelia?”
I glance up at the Yankees game in time to see Masahiro Tanaka strike out his batter. Nathan and I raise our glasses toward the TV and cheers. Since Jersey doesn’t have a major league baseball team, I root for the Yanks, my only concession where New York is concerned. “Not exactly,” I answer Nathan. “It’s more complicated than that.”
Nathan sighs. “Is it? After four years, are you seriously not ready to open up at all? To bring Amelia into Bell’s life?”
I nod out of habit more than agreement. I’m used to hearing it from Sadie, but Nathan is generally understanding of my stance on love. Am I not ready? Can I not open up? That isn’t the case. I already opened up to Amelia. Seeing Shana again should’ve sharpened that fear of falling for someone new, but instead, I turned to Amelia for support. I stop nodding and shake my head. “No, actually. I mean, yeah, Shana fucked me up. But I think I’m finally . . . over it.”
“Because of Amelia?” Nathan sounds surprised.
“Not completely. I just needed time and distance from Shana, and I have that now. But also, seeing Shana again, I felt nothing at all—except protective of Bell. No anger, no hurt.” I spin my glass on the bar. Would I have felt the same if Amelia weren’t in the picture, though? She’s not the reason I’m ready to move on from Shana, but she was the reason I suddenly wanted to. “And yes,” I add, “because of Amelia.”
“You really like her.”
“I do.”
“Then why . . .?”
I look at Nate. He’s a romantic, always has been. He’d love for everything to work out for everyone. It’s not that simple, though. “She’s scared. I was willing to take that risk with her, but she freaked out and left me hanging when I needed her, and I can’t risk that happening again. Not with Bell in the picture.”
“Well.” He hesitates. “Didn’t she just get divorced?”
“Not even. They’re still battling it out.”
“And you’ve been doing this for four years. Remember what it was like in the early days? Wouldn’t you have freaked out too?”
“Yeah. I understand it, but I just don’t think she’s ready.”
“If you feel that way, why’d you get involved with her in the first place?”
“We agreed to keep it casual. No feelings.”
“And you’re upset that she held up her end of the agreement.”
I look at him sidelong, not sure if I’m impressed or annoyed with his emotional ninja skills. “There’s more to it than that.”
“Is it? Jesus. I’ve never seen Amelia giddy, but that’s what she is around you. Normally she’s all business, all the time, to the point I wonder if she even knows how to smile. Not with you, though.”
I wave him off. “It’s the sex.”
He laughs. “Probably. But I think it’s more for her.”
He’s right. I know it. She knows it. It started out as sex, but I think we knew that first night it would never be just that, even if we never saw each other again. Fuck. Knowing others can see what we have makes this even harder to swallow. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong,” I admit. “But she’s going through what I went through years ago with Shana. I sure as fuck wasn’t ready back then to get involved with anyone.”
“So who better to guide her through that than you?” he asks, leaning his elbows on the bar. “I just haven’t seen you excited about anyone since Shana. And Amelia, I’ve never seen her like this. I’d hate to see you both walk away because of pride or fear or whatever you’re hung up on. Everything else aside, how do you feel about her?”
“I told you. I like her. All the things you just said—excited. Giddy. Protective.”