The First Taste (Slip of the Tongue #2) - Jessica Hawkins Page 0,100
have moms and she doesn’t. “I’m enough for her. Because I’ve taught her to be smart. Independent. That way she’ll never get fucked over again.”
“Andrew—”
Bell looks over at us, tilting her head, and I snap in the most contained way I can manage so I don’t alarm her. I shove my hands in my pockets and school my expression and my tone. “Get out of my face,” I say slowly. “Right now, or I swear to God, if you ever come near her again, I’ll file a restraining order. If you ever come near her again while I’m not around? I’ll make your life a living hell.”
Her nostrils flare. “Jesus. When did you get to be such an asshole? You were always trying to control me, but you were never mean. Not like this.”
She turns and stomps out, making no secret of her discontent. The few moms in the crowd look either at me or her, because fuck this small town, of course they know who she is. They know my situation.
I plaster on a smile and Bell waves emphatically at me. “Watch me,” she yells. She starts her floor routine, then stops abruptly and says “No, wait, watch,” and starts over, even though I have no clue what she did wrong. I grin as my heart pounds right up against my chest. When I’ve lost her attention to tumbling, I scrub my hands over my face.
Fuck shit fuck. For a long time, I wished Shana would come back, just so I could tell her to fuck off. Now, though, I don’t want to do that. I don’t want her here at all. Bell and I have figured it out without her. We have balance. We’re happy. I don’t need revenge. I don’t need to prove anything. I just want Shana to leave us alone.
My head throbs with an avalanche of thoughts. Will she come back? What does she really want? I won’t give her anything. Not money. Not access.
She has some nerve accusing me of being controlling. Anything I ever did, anything anyone does, is a reaction to her. She cares about no one but herself and the rest of us have to cope. I can’t get ahold of my thoughts. I only have half an hour before Bell’s finished and I have to get it together.
I take out my cell phone and dial Sadie’s number. She picks up on the first ring. “Forget something?” she asks since we were just at her place.
“No.” I train my eyes on Bell. Her complete obliviousness is the only thing keeping me sane right now. “Shana just showed up at gymnastics.”
“What?” Sadie asks. “The Shana?”
“Yes of course the Shana. Do you know another one?”
“Oh, she has some massive balls,” Sadie says. “I knew it. We should’ve seen this coming.”
“Yeah?” I agree and then pause. “No. Why?”
“Because she’ll never do better than you and Bell. I just hoped she’d never realize it. What does she want?”
“I don’t know. Money, I hope.”
“Money? Really?”
“It’s better than the alternative.”
Sadie grows quiet as that sinks in. If Shana isn’t here for money, she’s here for Bell. “She can’t,” she says. “She can’t just show up here, and expect . . . anything.” Sadie launches into a rant, and it’s a relief to hear outrage as passionate as my own.
And then I get tired, having slept very little the night before, and my shoulders feel a thousand pounds, as if I’ve been carrying a heavy load and only just realized it. “I gotta go,” I say. “Bell’s almost done.”
“What are you going to tell her?”
“Obviously nothing.”
“I don’t know, Andrew. You can’t protect her forever. She needs to know about Shana. Maybe it’s time—”
“It’s not time,” I say through a thick throat. I am Bell’s parent. Her only parent. There’s no room left for Shana. “Now is definitely not time.”
“Call me later,” Sadie says with a sigh.
Ten minutes until practice ends, and I’m both weary and amped. I have the sudden urge to talk to Amelia, who will understand how this feels. Not in the fuming-mad way Sadie does, but in the knockout-punch to the gut that Amelia’s experienced. She’s dealing with her own boxing match and maybe, just maybe, hearing each other’s voices will help.
I pull up her number, lean my elbows onto my knees, and let it ring. And ring and ring. I get her voicemail. “Hey,” I say after the beep. “It’s me. Call when you get this. Any time. Even if it’s late.”