down opposite him, placing my handbag and the carrier bag with Chloe’s files on the floor, then taking off my coat, and laying it down on the bench next to me.
Alex is pleading with me to hear him out. ‘Hannah, I haven’t lied to you… that’s not how I see it.’
‘Okay, so how do you see it?’ I’m impatient, I’ve put myself through hell today, and only he can stop this horrible, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
‘I didn’t lie. I didn’t tell you because I don’t want to…’ He pauses. ‘Lose you.’
I sip my wine, keeping eye contact, but making no attempt to speak. I just need him to talk.
‘So. The woman you saw today… with me, yes, it was Helen. How did you guess?’
‘I saw a photo – in your bathroom. Someone had… scribbled on her face.’ I look right at him. ‘That was Helen?’
I see the realisation dawn on his face, and he drops his head. ‘Yes, I’m not proud of that. I was very angry back then.’
‘So it would seem. You ripped across her face with a pen. And yet there you were today lunching with her – how things have changed,’ I say, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
‘Things did change – when I met you. I was able to forgive her because I’d found someone I really loved.’
I ignore this, I won’t be seduced by his words. ‘So… why didn’t you tell me about today?’
‘Because…’ Another pause. He takes a drink, I know he’s buying time. ‘Because – it’s complicated.’
‘Oh please.’ I roll my eyes while discreetly holding on to the table to steady myself. ‘“It’s complicated”? Teenagers put that as their Facebook status, it’s meaningless.’
‘You’re angry.’
‘Damn right I am. This morning, before we both left for work, you told me you were in court. And later you lied again, told me you couldn’t meet me for lunch because you were in court. But presumably you were in her bathroom!’
‘No, no I was in the pub.’
‘Even worse. You were speaking to me from a bathroom in the pub because you didn’t want to pick up in front of her.’
I take a longer sip of wine this time, and as I put my glass down, he’s staring at me. He’s really struggling to find the words, and the more he struggles, the more I glare at him, waiting.
‘Look, Hannah, I haven’t been strictly honest with you.’
‘Here we go.’ I sigh heavily. ‘You spent the afternoon in a hotel room, you’ve realised she’s your soulmate and you’re getting back together?’
‘No, none of that. But… she isn’t my ex-girlfriend.’
‘What? Who is she then?’
‘She’s my wife.’
Chapter Fifteen
If he’d stood up and punched me in the face, it couldn’t have shocked me more.
‘Your wife?’ Is all I can say. ‘Your wife?’ I repeat. My chin’s trembling, I’m going to burst into tears any moment.
‘I was going to tell you, Hannah.’
I can’t bear this any longer, I’m not going to sit here while he attempts to explain. ‘I’m sorry, Alex, but this is too much.’ I stand up, gathering my bag and coat in my arms, and make to leave.
‘Please, Hannah, hear me out, it isn’t what you think.’
‘What I think? What I think is that we’ve been together since October and it’s now December. Almost three months – three months – and not once have you ever mentioned that you’re married.’
‘It’s—’
‘Please don’t tell me “it’s complicated”, again,’ I hiss, as I desperately try to push back the bench I’ve been sitting on, which is now jammed against the wall. ‘I don’t want to hear anything else,’ I mumble, on the verge of tears. My mind has been a whirl of doubt and mistrust all day, but even in my darkest thoughts, I never imagined she was his wife! I’ve been totally blindsided, and I’m governed only by primal instinct. I have to escape, like an animal fleeing from pain.
I finally extricate myself from the bloody bench and the table, knocking my drink over in the process.
Alex is on his feet now. ‘I knew you’d freak out – but honestly, we’re not together now, please listen to me – there’s something else. Hannah!’
I can’t listen to another word and make my escape, as he continues to call my name. His voice fades as I fight my way through the laughing Christmas throng, twenty-deep at the bar. I’m almost lashing out to get through. I can’t bear to be here, where everyone’s so full of alcohol