cried. I still feel terribly guilty about it.’ I deliberately leave out any mention of the way he’s been with me since we broke up. I’m tempted, but again, it’s too soon to hand Alex my baggage.
‘I think I’d have found it easier if Helen hadn’t been seeing someone else. Instead she lied and told me she wasn’t, but all the time she was – and I just knew it.’
I can see in his eyes that he’s capable of feeling such pain, but also love, and real passion, which I crave. I just hope that won’t be dimmed by what Helen did to him.
‘Helen didn’t really understand.’ He sighs. ‘You see, I don’t want half measures, once I fall, I fall. And I’m totally committed – I’m afraid I’m all or nothing, Hannah.’ He touches my face with the back of his hand.
‘Me too,’ I say. ‘Being with Tom taught me that it’s better to be alone than with someone who can’t love me enough.’
‘Seems like you and I have both been casualties. I hope I can love you enough.’ Before I can answer or even consider what he’s just said, he kisses me, then pulls away slightly. ‘I can’t believe I’m saying this to someone I really only just met, but I do think I’m falling in love with you already, Hannah,’ he’s saying softly, and I dissolve into him, only vaguely aware that he’s slowly unbuttoning my blouse.
His words have undone me and now his touch is adding to the effect. I am lost, all at sea on the velvet sofa, as he carefully takes my clothes off and kisses me all the way down my body. After teasing me forever with his lips, he finally pushes inside me, all the time kissing my mouth, then my neck. He’s saying my name, staccato murmurs in my ear, promises, desires. I hear his words, feel his body, as he moves into me, undulating, writhing – all I can think is how this is the most amazing sex I’ve ever had. Finally – finally – I’ve found what I’ve been waiting for. Alex is everything.
Afterwards, in a tangle of limbs and spent lust, he holds me, still as loving as he was before, his eyes drinking me in, his hand on my face.
‘When I fall, it’s forever,’ he says. ‘I promise I’ll always be there for you, Hannah.’
I reciprocate by touching his face. I can hear Jas’s voice in my head telling me it’s too soon, that I’m rushing in head-first. Well, maybe I am, but what he’s saying is just what I want to hear. Because I’m falling too – and I’ve always wanted forever.
There’s no mention of me going home tonight, we both just move from the sofa to his bedroom upstairs. I barely take it in, but as we land on the bed, I’m aware of greys and blues, classy, tasteful, sumptuous in the lamplight. During the night, I wrap a blanket around me, and pad downstairs into the kitchen for a glass of water, feeling at home already. There’s a full moon, so bright I don’t need to turn on the kitchen light. I open several cupboards looking for a glass, and my eyes alight on the bin, where Alex put all the broken glass from my accident with the wine bottle. I peek inside to see the damage, wondering if there’s an engraved name on the base so I can buy him a replacement. But underneath the broken glass and dinner detritus, I see something that makes me a little uneasy.
Very carefully, I put my hand into the bin and, clearing away the bits of dinner, my suspicions are confirmed. A screwed up Häagen-Dazs container. When I loosen it slightly, it’s clear to see the label – Pistachio Ice Cream. I really believed he’d made it specially for me. I guess he just wanted to impress, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. After all, who hasn’t told a little white lie at the start of a relationship? And there are worse things to lie about than ice cream… aren’t there?
Chapter Ten
Today, Jas is, as always, keen to know everything about last night. And I’m happy to tell her all about my evening – mostly. I decide to leave out the bit about the photograph with the pen across it, and keep up the story that Alex actually made the ice cream for me, because I want her to know how much he likes me. I’m